Uhn Expeermnt in Communicayshn

Oklahoma, as a state, will be 104 years old this coming Wednesday, and I decided to try something on Facebook to celebrate: for one week I'm going to write all my posts with an Okie accent. I think I can do it well, but the hardest parts will be remembering to do it everyday, and rewriting reposts.

The seed for this idea was planted in my head a few years ago when I overheard a conversation among a family at an art show. One young man was bringing the food from one of the food vender's for the rest of the family, and when they asked him what took so long, he responded, "Stdnlahn fr boutnour." (I stood in line for about an hour.) For some reason, that got stuck in my head, and I wondered, 'how would you spell that?'

The second time I thought about this was when I was visiting my buddy Ted in New Jersey. He introduced me to two of his friends, who commented that I didn't talk like I was from Oklahoma. I said, "Well, I'm urban. But Ahcn tahk jss lahk my cuzznz down'n Antlers."

The third, and ongoing impetus is that I've been trying to teach myself Spanish for a while, and now that I have Gaby here to help, he tells me that I don't always pronounce my vowels correctly. This is a problem, because as an Oklahoman, I don't actually use vowels that much. In Spanish, if you don't pronounce your vowels, you might wind up saying a different word.

Gaby's family name is Guerrero, pronounced gay-r-r-reh-do (warrior), not guh-r-r-reh-do (dirty clothes.) As an Okie, I have trouble hearing the difference. We tend to not pronounce most of our vowels at all, and when we do, it's just a schwa (ə).

So, with these things in mind the other morning, I posted this: "Skina wundrin whut kina rsponss I'd git fi startd doin' awl my Facebk posts withnOkie axnt." (I was kind of wondering what kind of responses I'd get if I started doing all my Facebook posts with an Okie accent.)

The responses I got were:

"Huh?"

" i say, dear sir, your charming yet incomprehensible dialect has compelled me to leave you a rather generous gratuity. Cheerio!"

"Sum kinda cownty fair bringin the hayseeds intah town?"

"Weeel, idunnno, but ain't tooo muchin wrawg witit!"

This told me two things. One is that even people who are from here think Okie equals hick, and that just isn't so. We just have a definite way of talking. We don't sound like we walked out of a Ma and Pa Kettle movie or an episode of Hee-Haw. We don't have a drawl like Southerners; we speak at a normal speed. We don't double our syllables like the Tayuxans; that would require too many vowels. (In fact, the name of the state south of us has no vowels at all.) We do sound a bit redneck once in a while, but we don't flatten as many vowels as is done to the south and east of us. In fact, a lot of words are actually pronounced correctly in normal speech.

Besides the lack of vowels, we also tend to run words together to make new and often shorter words. Hence, "I was kind of" becomes "skina". We may use 'aint' and 'y'all', but we also have 'whollago' and 'yoosta'.

The other thing the responses told me was that people don't listen to the way they talk. For me, this is going to be an exercise in listening to myself. No exaggerations, no faking it for the laughs. When you read it, you should be able to hear me just the way I talk all the time.

One rule I plan to stick to wherever possible is that all punctuation, including capitals, will be correct (as in 'anOkie'). Apostrophes will be used once in a while for clarification (as in m'uthr).

So, I'm gunnaduit! Startn nex Wenzdy (Statehud Day), I'm gunna postenOkie awl week. Allyall Okies out thercn join me ifyalike.

Eavesdropping

Okay, I know this is none of my business, but you guys were talking loudly just a few feet from where I was working, and I couldn't help but overhear practically every word, and naturally I developed an opinion on what you were talking about.

First off, judging someone for being judgemental, I think, is the height of hypocrisy. Now that's not a criticism; hypocrisy is human nature. But it is a contradiction that weakens your argument.

Secondly, I'm guessing that you are, what? in your mid-thirties or thereabouts? So your parents would be at least in their mid-fifties, right? That would mean they've already settled into the people they will always be. If you can deal with that, good. If not, get out. If you want a change in the relationship, it's going to have to come from you, because they aren't going to do much changing.

Thirdly, most people aren't going to live their lives to meet your expectations. The only exceptions might be your kids or your employees, but even that's gonna have some huge limitations. If you don't like the people your brothers have become, tough. They're not here to please you; they have their own lives to live, whether you approve or not.

The big question that I see, and that your friends didn't ask, is 'Why do you feel the need to have everyone conform to the image that you think is right for them?' But like I said, this is none of my business.

Survivor

So I'm standing in the lobby working on my inventory when the decorative railing around the second story windows start to rattle as if the wind was blowing through an open window. I realized quickly that it might actually be an earthquake, but I didn't feel anything.

Moments later, someone from the 12th floor calls the front desk to report that their room was shaking. Did we have an earthquake? JS had been talking to MP, and was surprized by the call. He didn't know; we didn't feel anything in the lobby. Then someone called from the 10th floor to report the same thing. Then MP's wife called his cell phone to ask him if he'd felt it.

JS started hunting for news online, and discovered that we had indeed had a 4.7 magnitude quake. Later, on Facebook, my friend Mark reported that he'd felt it very strongly. His research revealed that the epicenter was actually very close by. He provided a map with the epicenter's coördinates, smack on top of his little hometown, 50 miles east of OKC.

Several other friends and my husband were reporting that they had also felt the quake. My buddy Jason, who also lives east of OKC, said he was feeling aftershocks till around 5:30am. So now I'm feeling a bit cheated.