One of my biggest character flaws is self doubt. It's kept me from doing a number of things in my life, and worse, kept me from even trying a lot more.
At the end of this coming summer, it is my intention to retire from the hotel and find a job with daytime hours. I will have been nocturnal for thirteen years at that time, and, frankly, I'm tired. I also know that some of the things I need to do for my own health and welfare are not going to get done as long as I'm working nights, so I need a life change to get me started.
There are a number of things that I'm thinking of doing. I enjoy hotel work, but I'm wondering if there is such a thing as an executive concierge. A former co-worker has gone to work for a tourism agency, and she gave me a card with a number to call. Perhaps they have such a position. But I'm open to different possibilities. Another co-worker gave me some info about temp jobs for the State.
My dear friend Ted wants to open a frame shop/ co-op art gallery with me. I would love to do that more than anything, but he wants me to be a partner, not an employee, which means I'd have to come up with a chunk of cash for the investment, and neither of us wants to go into debt to get it.
Then a few days ago, my Dad sent me this email:
Ron, I saw in yesterday's paper that the Edmond Public School District is going to have a teacher job fair on Tuesday, February 2 and Thursday, February 4 at 1001 W. Danforth. I looks like there might be all kinds of opportunities. They want people to bring their resume and be prepared to meet with the site principal for an interview.
Dad
Edmond Public Schools is hosting a teacher job fair from 4-6 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 2 and Thursday, Feb. 4 at the district’s administrative headquarters located at 1001 W. Danforth in Edmond.
“Despite the multi-million dollar cut to public education by the state which resulted in Edmond losing nearly $1.3 million in funding, we must still hire quality teachers,” said Chief Human Resources Officer Randy Decker. “A great teacher is critical to a student’s future success.”
The Feb. 2 event is for individuals interested in a job in secondary education. Prospective teachers interested in a job in elementary education should plan to attend the Feb. 4 job fair. The district will have open positions posted in the areas of elementary, early childhood, math, English and special education among others. "Already more than 30 teachers have notified us that they will retire or quit at the end of this academic year and that number will continue to rise, so we must replace them with the best educators possible.
”Participants should bring several copies of their resumes and be prepared to meet with site principals for interviews. The district is also urging college graduates with non-teaching degrees to attend the job fair to learn more about the rewards of the profession. District staff will be available to offer information about alternative routes to teacher certification.Edmond offers teachers a starting salary among the highest in the metro area, extensive peer mentoring, paid life and disability insurance and the opportunity for supplemental pay for additional duties such as coaching or sponsoring a student club. In addition, the district has unmatched community support of bond issues which funds the construction and maintenance of schools. A full list of benefits can be found on the district’s website at www.edmondschools.net.
Twenty-five years ago, I graduated from college with a degree in Art Education. I never got to use it. It was at a time when several school districts were eliminating their art programs, and a job close to home was difficult to find. Family obligations required me to remain close to home, so I never ventured out further to look for a job. After a few years, my teaching license expired, and I never renewed it. Anyway, life's an adventure, and sometimes it takes you places you don't expect, particularly when you have trouble accepting who and what you are, and spend your life trying to be something you're not.
The whole self-acceptance thing also translated into a lack of self confidence, and one of the things I find to criticize most about myself is my fear of failure, which, I guess, would be better described as a fear of trying. I have missed so many opportunities in my life simply by not having the courage to try something outside my comfort zone.
After I got Dad's email, I spent a tortured couple of weeks trying to decide whether to even try applying for a teaching job. On the one hand, I had no accreditation, and I had doubts that they would be interested in me. And yet, Kansas is hiring people off the streets, practically, because their conservative tax policies have driven their economy into the ground, and they can't keep teachers in their schools. Is Oklahoma to that point yet? Is Edmond? If so, do I want to work a job knowing that the reason I got it was because of circumstances I despise. I described this situation to my friend Dane. He said, "What's the worst they could say? 'No,' right?'
"No, the worst they could say is 'Yes.'"
And that was true. It's been a quarter of a century since I've been in school, and I don't know how to make lesson plans, or how to assert myself to a bunch of unruly kids... There's just too many bad scenarios in my head. No confidence. None at all. What if they said yes, and I'm plunged into a situation that I'm just not prepared for?
But then, do I really want another regret?
True to form, I waited till the last minute, but I did it. I got online and found a resume template (a subscription, which I'm going to have to do something about sometime) and I printed off several copies. I rummaged through the closet and found some dress pants that (almost) fit. I shaved and gelled my hair. And I set out to try. Only a few minutes late.
The first person I met, when I came in the door was Randy Decker, an old friend from college. I expected him to be there, since he was mentioned in the email. He recognized me right away. It took me a moment; he looked twenty five years older than he did in 1991. I reminded him that I still had his portrait that I had painted of him back in our college days hanging in my studio.
He asked me if I had checked in, and then directed me to the place I needed to go. In part of that check in process, I found out that, no, I was not qualified at this time, but there are some papers I can fill out to apply for re-accreditation. I said goodbye to Randy, and went home. And that was it. No muss, no fuss.
So I didn't get the job, but just the fact that I had tried is a big deal to me. I was telling my Dad later about how it all went down, and that even though it turned out the way it did, I'm happy that I don't have the regrets that I would have had otherwise.
He was pleased too.