Sidetracked

It's amazing the number of conflicting feelings a person can have at one time or in quick succession.

Anticipation
We were invited to a birthday party last night, and although it was an inconvenient night (I had to go to work an hour after the party started), I really wanted to go. I had gone to Lalo's birthday party seven years ago, and really had a good time, and that was also the last time I had had an opportunity to spend time with him and his friends.

Consternation
Now, I thought we were going straight to the party. Not so. I am informed on the way that we have to go to Gus and Bill's house. This is told to me in that way Gaby has of explaining things to me like I missed something obvious. We are not giving Gus a ride to the party. We don't need Gus to tell us how to get to the party. Gus has nothing we need to bring to the party. I still don't know why we went there. Furthermore, Gaby knows that I've been trying to avoid Bill ever since I found out that I can't seem to be around Bill for very long without offending him in some way.

Relief
When we arrived, it turned out that they had company, and were eating dinner, and they invited us to eat. I was grateful for the opportunity because I hadn't eaten and wasn't sure there would be real food at the party. If not, I would have to swing by Smackymac's on the way to work. Instead, we were treated to barbecue briskit, ribs, stuffed peppers, roasted potatoes, and rice.

Trepidation
Bill greeted us warmly when we came in. He expressed pleasure at seeing me, commenting that it had been a long time. I mumbled some response. All through dinner, and afterwards I tried to stay as inconspicuous as possible, keeping my conversation to a minimum, not moving around too much, not touching anything. I did have a good time, actually, visiting with everybody, but I was very self-conscious.

Sadness
When it was time for me to go to work, I told everybody goodbye individually. I moved to shake Bill's hand and got a hug instead. It just reminded me that at this point in our relationship it is me carrying the grudge. I got my feelings hurt over things he had said to Gus and Gaby (and apparently others) about things that I had done guilelessly, and I'm having trouble letting go. I'm not like this. I usually find anger to be a waste of time, but I can't help how I feel. He's a new friend. Ours is a new and developing friendship, but it's been sidetracked.

Disapointment
We never made it to the party.

Consolation
No one else showed up till long after I was at work.