Analogies Humor

The line separating painfully bad analogies from weirdly good ones is as thin as a soup made from the shadow of a chicken that was starved to death by Abraham Lincoln.

Here are some fine examples:

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck --not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real lame duck, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like some who could tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature beef.

Her pants fit her like a glove... well, more like a mitten, actually.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had a tense grating quality, like a first generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an exact copy of an Escher painting.

He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Larry or Curly --you know, the one who goes "woo woo woo."

The sunset displayed rich spectacular hues, like a .jpeg file at 10% percent cyan, 10% magenta, 60% yellow, and 10% black.