Pegged and Pigeonholed

I found a link to a quiz site (click here) that asked the question, "What Kind of Gay Man Are You? This was the result:

You Scored as Normal, Boring and Gay
Its not bad that you are this way, but couldn’t you do a little bit more with your hair? Perhaps maybe zush your shirt? The only thing that makes you interesting is you like men, but even then… do you really?

Yes, I do, but still, this is the most accurate quiz I've ever taken.

Inevitable

She knew.
They didn't even have to call her.
We knew, too. They'll only let it slide so many times. Company policy, and all, you know.
Everyone will miss her, but we knew.

There's No WTF In Team

It's fundamental. When you park some one's car, you lock the doors and write the correct parking space number on the ticket. And yet some of my co-valets have not developed either of these habits, even though some of them have been here longer than me. Saturday night it caught up to them.

Our security cameras caught the images of a skinny fellow in a yellow plaid shirt going back and forth between vehicles in our parking garage. By the time he left, he had entered 11 vehicles, tossed the contents of the consoles and glove compartments, and had stolen several small items like mp3 players and cameras, some credit cards, and a backpack. He didn't break into the cars. He just found the ones that weren't locked up.
Of course, this causes a huge uproar among management and in our department. When the smoke cleared, five of our guys had been suspended for a few days (not consecutively--we can't afford that big a hole in the schedule.)

All weekend, I've had a whirl of thoughts and emotions over the situation, and it's been a struggle to make sense of what I think and feel. It happened on my shift, and I can't help but feel there was something I could have done to stop it. Part of me wants to point a finger at the other guys and say, "Why aren't you locking doors just out of habit?" But singling out individuals doesn't do anything about fixing the reputation of our department.

I've always described my job as being the one who cleans up the mess. After a while you can't help but develop opinions about the ones who make the messes. One of my (and the morning shift's) pet peeves has always been that the correct parking space is not written on the ticket. This decreases our efficiency when retrieving a vehicle. But a lot of the guys think that as long as you can find the car at all, that this is not a problem. Even my boss will say, "It happens." Well, it shouldn't happen as often as it does. As long as these guys have been here, they should have the space numbers memorized by now. I'm harping on this because Sunday morning I was given the task of finding the keys for the vehicles that were broken into, and the only way I had to find them was by the parking space number. Three of them were incorrect. Two of those had no space at all, and the third I never found.

I talked about all this with our Asst. Front Office Manager this morning (off the record--John and I are good friends aside from our professional relationship,) and we decided that what it really came down to is a teamwork problem. For example, when the guys park the cars, they aren't thinking about the fact that someone is going to have to come get that car, and it probably won't be the one who parked it. There are a lot of other little details concerning how the guys do things that cause problems for someone else, but I won't explore them all here. We will be having a long overdue departmental meeting soon, I'm sure, and maybe we can get some of this hashed out.

w appre yo he

This morning Lrbom asked me how I did last night. I replied, "'Bout half." He asked me what I meant by that, and I pointed to the drive and said, "One dollar people out here," then pointed to the upper floors and said, "Five dollar people up there."
When I told Gaby about that this evening, he suggested that maybe I should only take people's luggage halfway to their rooms. Too impractical, of course, and yet...

What Makes 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? What does it mean to give 110%? What about achieving 103%? Isn't that enough?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26, then

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K (8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11) = 98% and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E (11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5) = 96%. And

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E (1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5) = 100%.
But B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T (2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20) = 103% and

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G (1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7) = 118% .
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it’s the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Short-shifted and Short-changed

Tonight is the fourth of four nights working a six hour shift. We lost one of our bellmen last week, so Bossman is trying to fill in hours by being creative with the schedule. He needed me six nights this week, and since he can't schedule me overtime, four of those nights have fewer hours. The only problem I have with the arrangement is that he's snipped off the two hours when I would normally be making some tip money. Couple that with having been off four of the last six Friday nights, and my income has suffered.
The ratio of tippers to non-tippers hasn't changed much (though I got stiffed seven times by a departing wedding party last weekend,) but what's aggravating me most right now is the undertippers. For some reason lately more and more people are giving $3-5 for $10-20 jobs. The worst was the two Italian guys last week who had four luggage carts worth of suits that they were taking to market in Dallas. Lrbom and I both helped bring all their stuff down and got their car from valet, and then had to split a $3 tip. $3 for a $40 job.
Anyway, the last six weeks have been dismal, and the result of all this is that I have to borrow money from my savings account to pay my phone bill this week, and I still need to put gas in the car. I'm feeling cheated.

Mental Notes/Summer Plans

The art show is on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd of May. I must sell $556 worth to meet expenses, but $956 would be better, to replace money taken from my savings account. After that I have 10 weeks before I am eligible to take a two week paid vacation. The only project I have planned during that 10 weeks is to lose some weight. The plan for the vacation is to work on the house. I expect that Gaby will want to start on some of the house projects early.

1. Take out the carpet in the living room and back room.
2. Sand, stain and varnish the floor in the living room.
3. Paint the living room.
4. Put in laminate flooring in the back room.
5. Finish building drawers for the back room cabinet.
6. Build shelving for back room wall.
7. Finish the details in the bathroom.
8. Build a new bed.
9. Change the closet in back room to a computer desk/study area.

Ambitious, I know. But I think the two of us can get it done.

As If Anyone Cares.

Gian is starring as a vampire in a new movie, according to the trailer. So I decide to go see him to congratulate him. I hop on my bike and ride to NYC, the city of hills and trolleys. TJ, my friend and cöworker travels with me part of the way. At 5th and Broadway, I look way down the hill and see Gian coming out of the church service that was held in the parking garage. I fight my way through the crowd, and manage to catch him. I introduce myself as the guy from Oklahoma who follows his blog. He introduces me to one of his friends, who calls me a stalker. I start to protest but...

...then I wake up, wondering why I'm dreaming about a guy I never met.

And now I'm one of those dorks who posts his dreams on his blog.

Rules of the Road

In Oklahoma, we drive on the right side of the road. That means that if one is driving around a circular street, like the one in front of our hotel, one should be going in a counter-clockwise direction. Now, if there is a one lane offshoot hanging from the circle like the tail on the letter "p", one should reasonably assume that its traffic would be headed away from the circle, while a one lane offshoot hanging from the circle like the tail on a letter "q" (as it is by our hotel) would be heading toward the circle. If nothing else, one should be able to get a clue from the very awkward right turn for which the street was not designed.

And yet, day after day, people find themselves facing the wrong side of the gate at the exit of our valet parking garage, and wind up doing the Austin Powers thing to get back out.

Finally!!!

I've been working on this picture for way too long. In fact, I wanted to finish it for last year's art shows, but life interfered. In all that time, you'd think I'd have come up with a title.

Sometimes the Answers Are So Simple