Great Expectations

Today, Wednesday the 11th, was my 50th birthday.  I think it's a big deal, and I was hoping for some kind of big event, but it never happened.  So I'm a bit depressed.

I hoped that Gaby would have contacted our friends and my friends from work and worked with them to arrange a party or get-together of some sort.  It could have been at home.  It could have been out at the club.  Some of my friends from work had actually told me that they hoped Gaby would remember to put them on the guest list.  I wanted a big event.  But it never happened.

I hoped that when we were out at the club Monday night that Gaby would mention to Shantelle, the MC, that I was having a birthday in a couple of days, but he didn't.  It didn't matter, really.  There weren't many people in the club that night.  But still, it would have been nice.  Instead, he complained that we had eloped, which sent me into such a deep blue funk that we didn't talk for the next two hours or so.  I had strongly suspected he might not have planned anything, and what he said just seemed to confirm it.  I told him I couldn't talk about it for a couple of days, in the hopes that I might be wrong-- that he had some kind of surprize planned.  I also didn't want him to try to throw something together at the last minute just because he felt guilty.

Tuesday with family was better.  Gaby made a cake, and at my request we all drove out to a restaurant that was inconvenient and expensive.  My Dad bought me something I'd been asking for for every birthday and Christmas for the last three years or so.  But all in all the evening wasn't much different than any other family night.  It wasn't a big deal.

And I had to work tonight.  I had asked for the night off, but that request was denied, or ignored, or not even noticed, or whatever it is that my boss does when he makes the schedule.  Not that it matters.  Nothing else was happning.

So I'm feeling deeply and profoundly disappointed and depressed. I'm also trying hard not to let my feelings come to the surface because I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate the smaller contributions to my big day.  But it still wasn't what I hoped for, and I can't help the way I feel.