Oklahoma Trivia and Interesting Facts
1. The bread twist tie was invented in Maysville.
2. The shopping cart was invented in Ardmore in 1936.
3. The nation's first parking meter was installed in Oklahoma City in 1935.
4. The first Girl Scout Cookie was sold in Muskogee in 1917.
5. Cimarron County, located in the Oklahoma Panhandle, is the only county in the U.S. bordered by 4 separate states - Texas, New Mexico, Colorado and Kansas.
6. The Oklahoma State Capital is the only capital in the U.S. with working oil wells on its grounds.
7. Boise City, Okla., was the only city in the United States to be bombed during World War II. On Monday, July 5, 1943, at 12:30am., a B-17 Bomber based at Dalhart Army Air Base, Texas, dropped six practice bombs on the sleeping town, mistaking the city lights as target lights.
8. WKY Radio in Oklahoma City was the first radio station transmitting west of the Mississippi River.
9. The nation's first "tornado warning" was issued March 25, 1948 in Oklahoma City minutes before a devastating tornado. Because of the warning, no lives were lost.
10. Oklahoma has the largest Native American population of any state in the U.S.
11. The name 'Oklahoma' comes from two Choctaw words - okla meaning "people" and humma meaning "red." So the name means, "Red People." The name was approved in 1890.
12. Oklahoma has produced more astronauts than any other state.
13. Oklahoma has more man-made lakes than any other state (including Caddo County's Fort Cobb Lake).
14. During the "Land Rush," Oklahoma City and Guthrie went from vast, open prairie to cities of over 10,000 in a single day.
15. The nation's first "Yield" traffic sign was erected in Tulsa on a trial basis.
16. The Pensacola Dam on Grand Lake is the longest multi-arched dam in the world at 6,565 feet.
17. The Port of Catoosa (just north of Tulsa) is the largest inland port in America.
18. The aerosol can was invented in Bartlesville.
19. Per square mile, Oklahoma has more tornadoes than any other place in the world.
20. The highest wind speed ever recorded on earth was in Moore Okla., on May 3, 1999 during the Oklahoma City F-5 tornado. Wind speed was clocked at 318 mph.
21. The Will Rogers World Airport and the Wiley Post Airport are both named after two famous Oklahomans, both killed in the same airplane crash.
And Oklahoma Towns Offer It All
Love the Summer?
Poolville, Oklahoma
Sunray, Oklahoma
Want Something To Eat?
Cookietown, Oklahoma
Corn, Oklahoma
Grainola, Oklahoma
Hominy, Oklahoma
Olive, Oklahoma
South Coffeeville, Oklahoma
Sweetwater, Oklahoma
Why Travel To Other Cities? Oklahoma Has Them All!
Cleveland, Oklahoma
Orlando, Oklahoma
Miami, Oklahoma
Pittsburgh, Oklahoma
Santa Fe, Oklahoma
St. Louis, Oklahoma
Chattanooga, Oklahoma
Peoria, Oklahoma
Burbank, Oklahoma
Fargo, Oklahoma
Don't Forget The Wildlife!
Bison, Oklahoma
Buffalo, Oklahoma
Deer Creek, Oklahoma
Eagle, Oklahoma
Elk City, Oklahoma
Fox, Oklahoma
Wolfe, Oklahoma
There's A Town Named After A Number:
Fourty-One, Oklahoma
And A Town Whose Letters Don't Spell Anything:
IXL, Oklahoma
For The Sportsman Who Wants To Get Away From It All
Fisherman's Paradise, Oklahoma
We Even Have A City Named After Earth's Only Satellite!
Moon, Oklahoma
And A City Named After Our State!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Feeling A Bit Chilly?
Cold Springs, Oklahoma
Snow, Oklahoma
Slick, Oklahoma
Oklahoma Is Full Of Love!
Bigheart, Oklahoma
Lovedale, Oklahoma
Loveland, Oklahoma
Lovell, Oklahoma
Loyal, Oklahoma
Like To Read About The Presidents?
Adams, Oklahoma
Carter, Oklahoma
Clinton, Oklahoma
Fillmore, Oklahoma
Grant, Oklahoma
Jefferson, Oklahoma
Johnson, Oklahoma
Lincoln, Oklahoma
Reagan, Oklahoma
Roosevelt, Oklahoma
Taft, Oklahoma
Taylor, Oklahoma
Washington, Oklahoma
Wilson, Oklahoma
Other City Names In Oklahoma To Make You Smile
Bowlegs, Oklahoma
Bugtussle, Oklahoma
Bushyhead, Oklahoma
Frogville, Oklahoma
Hooker, Oklahoma
Loco, Oklahoma
Slapout, Oklahoma
Slaughterville, Oklahoma
And Regardless What Side Of The Fence You're On
Gay, Oklahoma
Straight, Oklahoma
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, November 12, 2010
Osmosis
One of the blogs I follow is a local economist who is a college professor of economics here at the University in my hometown. He's a centrist Democrat (I'm a centrist Republican) whose style is very readable and even-handed. His blog lead me to another economist's blog, a professor at Princeton, who is a little more complicated in his analysis, and that one led me to the blog of a professor at Berkely, which can get really complicated. (In fact, I find it difficult to absorb what I'm reading and get quite frustrated whenever there is any noise or distraction in the room at all.)
I have no background in economics, so you can probably imagine that macro-economics is way over my head. Much of it is. Sometimes they will put up a chart and say something like "as you can see from this, it's obvious that..." Well, no, I can't, and no, it's
not. But I'm trying. One of them admitted to having a problem with YHTMAAAIYP*. Indeed, for the uninitiated, the esoteric nature of some posts can be quite daunting. For a while I was reading QE as Queen Elizabeth. But when the facts are at variance with things politicians are saying, all three can be quite entertaining (which is why I started following them in the first place).
not. But I'm trying. One of them admitted to having a problem with YHTMAAAIYP*. Indeed, for the uninitiated, the esoteric nature of some posts can be quite daunting. For a while I was reading QE as Queen Elizabeth. But when the facts are at variance with things politicians are saying, all three can be quite entertaining (which is why I started following them in the first place).But I didn't realize that I was actually learning something until I turned on the TV the other night, and the Nightly Business Report was on PBS... and I actually understood what they were talking about. This amazed me so much that I was totally riveted to the program. In fact, I realized that I could explain some of this in an over-simplified manner using a Risk game and Monopoly money.
It is said that it takes about 8-14 months to learn a language by immersion. If I had that much success from just following a few blogs, perhaps I should be reading Spanish newspapers more often.
*You Have To Many Abreviations And Acronyms In Your Posts
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Obama the Snob
Recently, the President seems to be under attack by people who are refering to him as an elitist because of his stating that the reason people have problems with the Democratic agenda is simply that they don't understand it. In a Boston stump speech he reportedly said, "Part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now, and facts and science and argument do not seem to be winning the day all the time, is because we’re hard-wired not to always think clearly when we’re scared. And the country is scared, and they have good reason to be.”
The Washington Post responded with an editorial entitled "Obama the Snob", which reiterated the charge from critics that he is a Harvard-educated millionaire elitist who is sure that he knows best and thinks that those who disagree just aren’t in their right minds. (A Facebook friend of mine posted a link to this article.)
So I have to wonder, what does that make me?
I believe that everyone in politics, Democrats, liberals, Republicans, moderates, traditional conservatives, modern "conservatives", etc., all have the capacity to be misinformed, disingenuous, and outright liars, and that because of that all have the ability to pass on bad information is support of their cause. I also believe that facts and data are not always on your side.
I believe that this country's greatest threat, greater than any threat of terrorism or any of our economic problems even, is the toxic hyper-partisanship promoted by the 24-hour propaganda "news" channels that constantly churn out reasons why we shouldn't trust this person, this group, this legislation, and reasons why we should be afraid...very afraid.
Well, I'm not afraid. And I don't want to be afraid. I want to be informed. And I think everyone should be informed, and if that makes me elitist, well so be it.
My brother and I have this discussion once in a while, about trying to stay not red, not blue, but purple. But the purple is made up of little dots that are red and blue, like in a Georges Seurat painting, and if the blue dots outnumber the red dots there is a decidedly blue cast to the picture.
So if facts and data support the "liberal" point of view, does that make my brother and me liberals? Our red-favoring friends seem to think so. We would prefer not, because devotion to an ideology tends to give people permission to ignore the facts and data, and thereby make poor decisions. If the dots are blue, it's not our fault.
Information is out there. And if you are failing to look for it, or selectively ignoring it because it doesn't fit your political ideal, it's not our elitist president's fault either.
The Washington Post responded with an editorial entitled "Obama the Snob", which reiterated the charge from critics that he is a Harvard-educated millionaire elitist who is sure that he knows best and thinks that those who disagree just aren’t in their right minds. (A Facebook friend of mine posted a link to this article.)
So I have to wonder, what does that make me?
I believe that everyone in politics, Democrats, liberals, Republicans, moderates, traditional conservatives, modern "conservatives", etc., all have the capacity to be misinformed, disingenuous, and outright liars, and that because of that all have the ability to pass on bad information is support of their cause. I also believe that facts and data are not always on your side.
I believe that this country's greatest threat, greater than any threat of terrorism or any of our economic problems even, is the toxic hyper-partisanship promoted by the 24-hour propaganda "news" channels that constantly churn out reasons why we shouldn't trust this person, this group, this legislation, and reasons why we should be afraid...very afraid.
Well, I'm not afraid. And I don't want to be afraid. I want to be informed. And I think everyone should be informed, and if that makes me elitist, well so be it.
My brother and I have this discussion once in a while, about trying to stay not red, not blue, but purple. But the purple is made up of little dots that are red and blue, like in a Georges Seurat painting, and if the blue dots outnumber the red dots there is a decidedly blue cast to the picture.
So if facts and data support the "liberal" point of view, does that make my brother and me liberals? Our red-favoring friends seem to think so. We would prefer not, because devotion to an ideology tends to give people permission to ignore the facts and data, and thereby make poor decisions. If the dots are blue, it's not our fault.
Information is out there. And if you are failing to look for it, or selectively ignoring it because it doesn't fit your political ideal, it's not our elitist president's fault either.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Analogies Humor
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The line separating painfully bad analogies from weirdly good ones is as thin as a soup made from the shadow of a chicken that was starved to death by Abraham Lincoln.
Here are some fine examples:
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck --not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real lame duck, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like some who could tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature beef.
Her pants fit her like a glove... well, more like a mitten, actually.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had a tense grating quality, like a first generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an exact copy of an Escher painting.
He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Larry or Curly --you know, the one who goes "woo woo woo."
The sunset displayed rich spectacular hues, like a .jpeg file at 10% percent cyan, 10% magenta, 60% yellow, and 10% black.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Phone Call from the Census
The US Census office in New York has had to fire workers due to fraud. The new folks there must still be learning the ropes. This actual telephone call to Erik Gordon was transcribed immediately upon hanging up, so it's practically verbatim.
Ring. Ring.
ERIK: "Hello?"
CHARLOTTE: "Hello. This is Charlotte calling from the 2010 United States Census. We've left you a couple of messages over the past few weeks but you haven't returned our calls. I'm calling to ask you some additional questions about the census form that you recently completed. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Can I start by verifying your address?"
ERIK: "Yes, it's the one you have on the form -- 68 East 78th Street in New York."
CHARLOTTE: "And is this the Gordon household?"
ERIK: "Yes."
CHARLOTTE: "And who completed the census form on behalf of the household?"
ERIK: "I did. I'm the only one who lives here."
CHARLOTTE: "And what is your name?"
ERIK: "Erik Gordon. Don't you have that on the form I filled out?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes."
ERIK: "So why are you asking me again?"
CHARLOTTE (reading): "We need to make sure that the 2010 US Census is an accurate count of every person in the United States and that no person is double counted. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "So Erik Gordon filled out the census form on behalf of your household?"
ERIK: "Yes, I did."
CHARLOTTE: "And am I speaking to Erik Gordon?"
ERIK: "Um, yes. But I think we've covered this, no?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes, but I need to ask the questions in the order they appear on my screen."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, how many people were living at your address on April 1, 2010?"
ERIK: "Just me. I'm the only one who lives here."
CHARLOTTE: "So should I put 'One?'"
ERIK: "Probably."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, do you have children, babies or foster children living with you?"
ERIK (louder): "I'm the only one here."
CHARLOTTE: "It's a yes or no question, Mr. Gordon."
ERIK: "If I'm the only one here, then the answer is 'No,' right?"
CHARLOTTE: "Okay, I'm going to put 'No.'"
ERIK: "Good idea."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, do you have any other relatives living with you?"
ERIK: "I'm the only one here."
CHARLOTTE: "I can't put that."
ERIK: "I don't care."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, we need to make sure that the 2010 US Census is an accurate count of every person in the United States and that no person is double counted. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "But all of this is on the form I filled out."
CHARLOTTE: "I know. I have it here."
ERIK: "So why are you asking me the same questions?"
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, this should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "This should take no minutes."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, are you refusing to answer the questions? Because if you're refusing to answer the questions, I'm going to have to call you back."
ERIK: "I'm not refusing to answer the questions, Charlotte. I already answered them."
CHARLOTTE: "When?"
ERIK: "On the form you have in front of you."
CHARLOTTE: "Oh."
ERIK: "Yes."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, this should only take a few minutes. Can I ask if you have any nonrelatives, such as roommates or babysitters living with you?"
ERIK: "I'm the only one here."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, you know I can't put that."
ERIK: "No, Charlotte, no. I don't have anyone else living here!"
CHARLOTTE: "No roomates or babysitters?"
ERIK: "No!"
CHARLOTTE: "I'm going to put 'No.' Mr. Gordon, do you have anyone living with you temporarily?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, you know what I'm going to say, right?"
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, it's a yes or no question."
ERIK: "Charlotte, you've already asked me about relatives and nonrelatives. Who else could be living with me?"
CHARLOTTE: "Anyone living with you temporarily, such as any illegal aliens."
ERIK: "Yes, Charlotte. I forgot. I do have illegal aliens living with me."
CHARLOTTE: "How many?"
ERIK: "I live with approximately twelve thousand illegal Mexican immigrants. But please don't put that down, I don't want to get in trouble."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, I have to put it down."
ERIK: "Please don't put it down. They're nice people. They’ve traveled far."
CHARLOTTE: "I'm sorry, Mr. Gordon. I have to put it down."
ERIK: "Okay, put it down."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay."
ERIK: "Charlotte, did you really just put down that I live with 12,000 illegal Mexican immigrants?"
CHARLOTTE: "No. I just put twelve."
ERIK: "Why?"
CHARLOTTE: "I don't have enough room."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, were you away from this address anytime in March or April of 2010?"
ERIK: "What do you mean?"
CHARLOTTE: "What do *you* mean?"
ERIK: "Are you asking me if I left my apartment anytime in March or April?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes."
ERIK: "Then 'Yes.'"
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, where did you go?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, I went a lot of places."
CHARLOTTE: "I only have one line."
ERIK: "That's too bad, Charlotte, because I went *a lot* of places."
CHARLOTTE: "But I only have one line."
ERIK: "So what do you want me to tell you?"
CHARLOTTE: "I don't know. Do you want me to ask my supervisor?"
ERIK: "Actually, I think you should ask your supervisor."
CHARLOTTE (returning to the phone after putting me on hold for two or three minutes): "I think we should just put 'Don't Know.'"
ERIK: "Fine."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, in March and April of 2010 where did you spend most of your time: at your address in New York or in Don't Know?"
ERIK: "New York. Don't Know isn't a real place."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay. New York. Is there any other place you spent most of your time?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, what does that mean?"
CHARLOTTE: "You said you spent most of your time in New York. Is there any other place where you spent most of your time?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, how can I spend most of my time in more than one place?"
CHARLOTTE (after thinking it over): "I think we should put 'Don't Know.'"
ERIK: "Okay. Let's put that."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, other than New York and Don't Know, did you spend any time anywhere else?"
ERIK: "Pardon?"
CHARLOTTE: "Other than New York and Don't Know, did you spend any time anywhere else?"
ERIK: "Other than New York and Don't Know?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes."
ERIK: "No. I spent all of my time in New York and Don't Know."
CHARLOTTE: "How about prison?"
ERIK: "How about prison?"
CHARLOTTE: "Did you spend any time in prison in March or April of 2010?"
ERIK: "No, I was only in New York and Don't Know."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay. Mr. Gordon, did you spend any time in the military?"
ERIK: "No."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, did you spend any time in a nursing home?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, can we just put 'Don't Know' for the rest of the questions so we can both get on with our lives?"
CHARLOTTE: "No, I can't do that. You need to answer every question. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "It’s already been more than a few minutes."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, are you refusing to answer the questions? Because if you're refusing to answer the questions--"
ERIK: "I don't want you to call me back Charlotte. I did not spend any time in a nursing home in March or April of 2010. I was too busy in Don't Know."
CHARLOTTE: "What?"
ERIK: "No. No time in a nursing home."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, that was the last question. On behalf of the 2010 United States Census, thank you and have a good evening."
Ring. Ring.
ERIK: "Hello?"
CHARLOTTE: "Hello. This is Charlotte calling from the 2010 United States Census. We've left you a couple of messages over the past few weeks but you haven't returned our calls. I'm calling to ask you some additional questions about the census form that you recently completed. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Can I start by verifying your address?"
ERIK: "Yes, it's the one you have on the form -- 68 East 78th Street in New York."
CHARLOTTE: "And is this the Gordon household?"
ERIK: "Yes."
CHARLOTTE: "And who completed the census form on behalf of the household?"
ERIK: "I did. I'm the only one who lives here."
CHARLOTTE: "And what is your name?"
ERIK: "Erik Gordon. Don't you have that on the form I filled out?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes."
ERIK: "So why are you asking me again?"
CHARLOTTE (reading): "We need to make sure that the 2010 US Census is an accurate count of every person in the United States and that no person is double counted. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "So Erik Gordon filled out the census form on behalf of your household?"
ERIK: "Yes, I did."
CHARLOTTE: "And am I speaking to Erik Gordon?"
ERIK: "Um, yes. But I think we've covered this, no?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes, but I need to ask the questions in the order they appear on my screen."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, how many people were living at your address on April 1, 2010?"
ERIK: "Just me. I'm the only one who lives here."
CHARLOTTE: "So should I put 'One?'"
ERIK: "Probably."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, do you have children, babies or foster children living with you?"
ERIK (louder): "I'm the only one here."
CHARLOTTE: "It's a yes or no question, Mr. Gordon."
ERIK: "If I'm the only one here, then the answer is 'No,' right?"
CHARLOTTE: "Okay, I'm going to put 'No.'"
ERIK: "Good idea."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, do you have any other relatives living with you?"
ERIK: "I'm the only one here."
CHARLOTTE: "I can't put that."
ERIK: "I don't care."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, we need to make sure that the 2010 US Census is an accurate count of every person in the United States and that no person is double counted. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "But all of this is on the form I filled out."
CHARLOTTE: "I know. I have it here."
ERIK: "So why are you asking me the same questions?"
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, this should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "This should take no minutes."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, are you refusing to answer the questions? Because if you're refusing to answer the questions, I'm going to have to call you back."
ERIK: "I'm not refusing to answer the questions, Charlotte. I already answered them."
CHARLOTTE: "When?"
ERIK: "On the form you have in front of you."
CHARLOTTE: "Oh."
ERIK: "Yes."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, this should only take a few minutes. Can I ask if you have any nonrelatives, such as roommates or babysitters living with you?"
ERIK: "I'm the only one here."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, you know I can't put that."
ERIK: "No, Charlotte, no. I don't have anyone else living here!"
CHARLOTTE: "No roomates or babysitters?"
ERIK: "No!"
CHARLOTTE: "I'm going to put 'No.' Mr. Gordon, do you have anyone living with you temporarily?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, you know what I'm going to say, right?"
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, it's a yes or no question."
ERIK: "Charlotte, you've already asked me about relatives and nonrelatives. Who else could be living with me?"
CHARLOTTE: "Anyone living with you temporarily, such as any illegal aliens."
ERIK: "Yes, Charlotte. I forgot. I do have illegal aliens living with me."
CHARLOTTE: "How many?"
ERIK: "I live with approximately twelve thousand illegal Mexican immigrants. But please don't put that down, I don't want to get in trouble."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, I have to put it down."
ERIK: "Please don't put it down. They're nice people. They’ve traveled far."
CHARLOTTE: "I'm sorry, Mr. Gordon. I have to put it down."
ERIK: "Okay, put it down."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay."
ERIK: "Charlotte, did you really just put down that I live with 12,000 illegal Mexican immigrants?"
CHARLOTTE: "No. I just put twelve."
ERIK: "Why?"
CHARLOTTE: "I don't have enough room."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, were you away from this address anytime in March or April of 2010?"
ERIK: "What do you mean?"
CHARLOTTE: "What do *you* mean?"
ERIK: "Are you asking me if I left my apartment anytime in March or April?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes."
ERIK: "Then 'Yes.'"
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, where did you go?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, I went a lot of places."
CHARLOTTE: "I only have one line."
ERIK: "That's too bad, Charlotte, because I went *a lot* of places."
CHARLOTTE: "But I only have one line."
ERIK: "So what do you want me to tell you?"
CHARLOTTE: "I don't know. Do you want me to ask my supervisor?"
ERIK: "Actually, I think you should ask your supervisor."
CHARLOTTE (returning to the phone after putting me on hold for two or three minutes): "I think we should just put 'Don't Know.'"
ERIK: "Fine."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, in March and April of 2010 where did you spend most of your time: at your address in New York or in Don't Know?"
ERIK: "New York. Don't Know isn't a real place."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay. New York. Is there any other place you spent most of your time?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, what does that mean?"
CHARLOTTE: "You said you spent most of your time in New York. Is there any other place where you spent most of your time?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, how can I spend most of my time in more than one place?"
CHARLOTTE (after thinking it over): "I think we should put 'Don't Know.'"
ERIK: "Okay. Let's put that."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, other than New York and Don't Know, did you spend any time anywhere else?"
ERIK: "Pardon?"
CHARLOTTE: "Other than New York and Don't Know, did you spend any time anywhere else?"
ERIK: "Other than New York and Don't Know?"
CHARLOTTE: "Yes."
ERIK: "No. I spent all of my time in New York and Don't Know."
CHARLOTTE: "How about prison?"
ERIK: "How about prison?"
CHARLOTTE: "Did you spend any time in prison in March or April of 2010?"
ERIK: "No, I was only in New York and Don't Know."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay."
ERIK: "Okay."
CHARLOTTE: "Okay. Mr. Gordon, did you spend any time in the military?"
ERIK: "No."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, did you spend any time in a nursing home?"
ERIK: "Charlotte, can we just put 'Don't Know' for the rest of the questions so we can both get on with our lives?"
CHARLOTTE: "No, I can't do that. You need to answer every question. This should take only a few minutes."
ERIK: "It’s already been more than a few minutes."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, are you refusing to answer the questions? Because if you're refusing to answer the questions--"
ERIK: "I don't want you to call me back Charlotte. I did not spend any time in a nursing home in March or April of 2010. I was too busy in Don't Know."
CHARLOTTE: "What?"
ERIK: "No. No time in a nursing home."
CHARLOTTE: "Mr. Gordon, that was the last question. On behalf of the 2010 United States Census, thank you and have a good evening."
Friday, September 24, 2010
Chain Email -- The Good Kind
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put " A DOCTOR."
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put " A DOCTOR."
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
On Being Left Among the Right People
Years ago, when I was working at another hotel, I got into a conversation with a guest who had been with us for a few days. Previously I had mentioned in another conversation that I was gay, which seemed to bother him a bit. On this particular day, he decided to broach the subject again, and asked me, "So when did you convert to gayism?"
The question just struck me as funny, and I laughed and said, "I've never heard it put that way before." But I never gave him an actual answer.
Over the years, his question has stuck in my mind, and I've come up with several smart-ass answers:
"One day I woke up, looked in the mirror, and said to myself, 'I'm not wasting this on some chick!'"
"Convert to gayism? Why the hell would I want to do that?"
"Well let's see... I know it was before I converted to myopia-ism..."
"I'm not really sure. When did you convert to straightism?"
There were others, and all of them were meant to explain emphatically that I never converted to anything, while at the same time making fun of his question, but none of them conveyed the message as strongly as I would have liked. None of them adequately explained that I could no more convert to being gay or straight than I could convert to being right or left handed-- though one of the answers that I thought of was to hand him a pen and paper, notice which hand he took the pen in and ask, "When did you convert to right/left-handedness?"
The whole idea of comparing being gay to being left-handed intrigues me. After Sally Kern made some of her sillier statements to the press, I started noticing that one could substitute the word 'left-handed' for the word 'gay' into many of her statements just to see how silly they actually were, and the idea for this post started to grow in my brain. I've been thinking about it and discussing it with friends and co-workers (one of whom has started calling me "Lefty" even though I'm right handed.) And then a couple of days ago I found this paragraph in a New York Times article:
Compared with straight men, gay men appear to have a larger suprachiasmatic nucleus, a part of the brain that affects behavior, and some studies show most gay men have a larger isthmus of the corpus callosum -- which may also be true of left-handed people. And that's intriguing because gays are 39 percent more likely to be left-handed than straight people.
I liked reading that because it kind of underlined my idea. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject:
The question just struck me as funny, and I laughed and said, "I've never heard it put that way before." But I never gave him an actual answer.
Over the years, his question has stuck in my mind, and I've come up with several smart-ass answers:
"One day I woke up, looked in the mirror, and said to myself, 'I'm not wasting this on some chick!'"
"Convert to gayism? Why the hell would I want to do that?"
"Well let's see... I know it was before I converted to myopia-ism..."
"I'm not really sure. When did you convert to straightism?"
There were others, and all of them were meant to explain emphatically that I never converted to anything, while at the same time making fun of his question, but none of them conveyed the message as strongly as I would have liked. None of them adequately explained that I could no more convert to being gay or straight than I could convert to being right or left handed-- though one of the answers that I thought of was to hand him a pen and paper, notice which hand he took the pen in and ask, "When did you convert to right/left-handedness?"
The whole idea of comparing being gay to being left-handed intrigues me. After Sally Kern made some of her sillier statements to the press, I started noticing that one could substitute the word 'left-handed' for the word 'gay' into many of her statements just to see how silly they actually were, and the idea for this post started to grow in my brain. I've been thinking about it and discussing it with friends and co-workers (one of whom has started calling me "Lefty" even though I'm right handed.) And then a couple of days ago I found this paragraph in a New York Times article:
Compared with straight men, gay men appear to have a larger suprachiasmatic nucleus, a part of the brain that affects behavior, and some studies show most gay men have a larger isthmus of the corpus callosum -- which may also be true of left-handed people. And that's intriguing because gays are 39 percent more likely to be left-handed than straight people.
I liked reading that because it kind of underlined my idea. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject:
- One doesn't get to decide whether or not one is left-handed. As my co-worker Candy says, "You just have to play the hand you're dealt. (I'm not sure if she intended the pun.)
- Being left-handed is niether contagious nor a result of influence. You won't become left-handed by hanging around with left-handed people, nor will you become left-handed if your teacher is left-handed. If you are left-handed, it was decided long before you met any of these people.
- One starts using one's left hand predominantly long before one knows he is left handed. When I was in the first grade, Mrs Olbert explained how to properly hold a pencil when writing. She also explained that the left-handed students would be holding theirs a bit differently. Up to then I had no idea that there was such a thing as right or left handed, but I do know that I had always held my crayons in my right hand. I also knew nothing about same sex attraction until I was ten and one of the sixth graders said that I was a fag if I kissed my brother, but I had crushes on some of my male classmates, and was expressing curiosity about their bodies, from the age of six.
- Using the other hand doesn't change one's manual orientation. My best friend had a first grade teacher that believed that writing with the left hand was improper, and so he was taught to use his right hand. He still uses his right hand for writing out of habit, but he uses his left for everything else.
- The whole world is built for right handed people, and left-handers usually have to make some effort to adjust or find an item that fits their needs. The ignition switch in the car is on the right side of the steering wheel. The mouse on the computer is made to fit the right hand. The buttons on your digital camera are on the right side. Yes, one can buy left-handed scissors, and even Porsche and BMW are making cars with the ignition on the left side, but left-handed items are frequently hard to find, and usually more expensive. Straight people do not have to drive several states away just to find a valid marriage licence, just as right handers don't have to special order a can opener.
Now, of course there are a lot of differences, too.
- Nobody hates you for being left-handed. There's no one standing outside a military funeral with a sign saying that God hates left-handed people. Bullies at school don't taunt their victims by calling them "lefty."
- Similarly, there is no shame associated with being left-handed. Kids aren't killing themselves because they're afraid their parents might find out that they're left handed. They don't feel they need to hide their manual orientation from their peers.
- It doesn't make the news when some celebrity comes out as left-handed. The tabloids don't talk about left-handed scandals. It doesn't hurt someone's career if the public finds out that he's left-handed. A politician won't use his opponent's manual orientation in a negative campaign.
- There is no need for massive support rallies for left-handed people. There will probably never be a Left-handed Pride Parade. One's parents won't be joining PFL-H.
- Restaurant, hotels, and resorts don't advertize as "left-handed friendly."
I also have doubts that there are left-handed bars, though I may be wrong. You don't see signs up in businesses saying "Left-handed owned and operated."
But most of all...
- No one complains about "special rights" when a left-hander wants a pair of scissors that work for him.
- No right hander complains that it is a violation of his civil rights to make left-handed scissors available.
- No one complains that providing left-handed scissors would change the definition of scissors.
Did you notice that all the ways in which being left-handed and being gay are different are in the ways other people see them? All the differences are merely social constructs, whereas all the ways they are the same have to do with intrinsic personal qualities.
And now all my answers to questions like the one above will be influenced by this line of thinking.
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