Martin Landau

I started working at the Skirvin in July of 2007, and in those ten years I have met a number of famous people, some of whom I have a story about, and some that were just momentary encounters.  The first celebrity I met was Martin Landau, who was in town to film a movie up in Guthrie.  His limo driver would bring him back to the hotel at about 11:00, just as my shift was beginning, and after a brief visit to his room on the 5th floor, he would come back down to the front sidewalk for a pre-bedtime cigarette.
    Oklahoma had had a particularly wet spring that year, and by August we were inundated by mosquitoes.  This was the topic of discussion the night I met Mr. Landau on the sidewalk in front of the hotel.  I don't remember what was said exactly, but I do recall a feeling of astonishment about how normal it seemed to be standing in downtown Oklahoma City discussing bugs with an Oscar winning movie star, and how silly it seemed that I was surprised to find out that his voice sounded just like it did in the movies. 
    The next night, he was out again as I was coming back from the garage, and I stopped to talk for a moment.  I told him, "I wanted to tell you last night that I loved you in in The Majestic, you were phenomenal in  Ed Wood, and North By Northwest is one of my favorites of all time."
    "Oh, thank you, thank you," he said in that Martin Landau voice of his.
    I said goodnight, and went back inside to the bellstand to work on my paperwork.  A couple of minutes later, he walked up to the bellstand,  and continued our conversation.  I asked him, "So, was there anybody you just hated working with.?"
    "Oh, I don't do that," he said, waving his hand at me like he was shooing the question away.  His response embarrassed me a bit.  I didn't mean anything by it: I was just making conversation.  But his reaction influenced the way I've talked to celebrities since.  What I should have asked was, "You were only 24 when you made North By Northwest, so your parents got to see you become famous didn't they?"  I think that that would have sparked a much more interesting conversation.
    He asked me if I'd seen Crimes and Misdemeanors. I had not.  He said I would enjoy it, and the way he said that made me feel that this was a movie that he was pretty proud of.  I found out much later that this was a movie for which he got an Oscar nomination.  It's now in my collection, and yes, I did enjoy it.  I wish that I had gotten a chance to meet him again to tell him so.

I Don’t Know How To Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People

I Don’t Know How To Explain To You That You Should Care About Other People
Kayla Chadwick

Like many Americans, I’m having politics fatigue. Or, to be more specific, arguing-about-politics fatigue.

I haven’t run out of salient points or evidence for my political perspective, but there is a particular stumbling block I keep running into when trying to reach across the proverbial aisle and have those “difficult conversations” so smugly suggested by think piece after think piece:

I don’t know how to explain to someone why they should care about other people.

Personally, I’m happy to pay an extra 4.3 percent for my fast food burger if it means the person making it for me can afford to feed their own family. If you aren’t willing to fork over an extra 17 cents for a Big Mac, you’re a fundamentally different person than I am.

I’m perfectly content to pay taxes that go toward public schools, even though I’m childless and intend to stay that way, because all children deserve a quality, free education. If this seems unfair or unreasonable to you, we are never going to see eye to eye.

If I have to pay a little more with each paycheck to ensure my fellow Americans can access health care? SIGN ME UP. Poverty should not be a death sentence in the richest country in the world. If you’re okay with thousands of people dying of treatable diseases just so the wealthiest among us can hoard still more wealth, there is a divide between our worldviews that can never be bridged.

I don’t know how to convince someone how to experience the basic human emotion of empathy. I cannot have one more conversation with someone who is content to see millions of people suffer needlessly in exchange for a tax cut that statistically they’ll never see (do you make anywhere close to the median American salary? Less? Congrats, this tax break is not for you).

I cannot have political debates with these people. Our disagreement is not merely political, but a fundamental divide on what it means to live in a society, how to be a good person, and why any of that matters.

There are all kinds of practical, self-serving reasons to raise the minimum wage (fairly compensated workers typically do better work), fund public schools (everyone’s safer when the general public can read and use critical thinking), and make sure every American can access health care (outbreaks of preventable diseases being generally undesirable).

But if making sure your fellow citizens can afford to eat, get an education, and go to the doctor isn’t enough of a reason to fund those things, I have nothing left to say to you.

I can’t debate someone into caring about what happens to their fellow human beings. The fact that such detached cruelty is so normalized in a certain party’s political discourse is at once infuriating and terrifying.

The “I’ve got mine, so screw you,” attitude has been oozing from the American right wing for decades, but this gleeful exuberance in pushing legislation that will immediately hurt the most vulnerable among us is chilling.

Perhaps it was always like this. I’m (relatively) young, so maybe I’m just waking up to this unimaginable callousness. Maybe the emergence of social media has just made this heinous tendency more visible; seeing hundreds of accounts spring to the defense of policies that will almost certainly make their lives more difficult is incredible to behold.

I don’t know if what’s changed ― or indeed, if anything has ― and I don’t have any easy answers. But I do know I’m done trying to convince these hordes of selfish, cruel people to look beyond themselves.

Futility can’t be good for my blood pressure, and the way things are going, I won’t have health insurance for long.

Brief Observation

According to some of my Facebook friends:

    ....liberal media...
    ....anonymous sources....
    ....Obama did it, too....
and of course,
    ....leaks....
Because

Bakers, Freedom, and the Law

Grammar Lesson

20 misused words that make smart people look dumb

By Travis Bradberry

We’re all tempted to use words that we’re not too familiar with.

If this were the only problem, I wouldn’t have much to write about. That’s because we’re cautious with words we’re unsure of, and, thus, they don’t create much of an issue for us.
It’s the words that we think we’re using correctly that wreak the most havoc.
We throw them around in meetings, e-mails and important documents (such as resumes and client reports), and they land, like fingernails across a chalkboard, on everyone who has to hear or read them.
We’re all guilty of this from time to time, myself included.
When I write, I hire an editor who is an expert in grammar to review my articles before I post them online. It’s bad enough to have a roomful of people witness your blunder and something else entirely to stumble in front of 100,000!
Point is, we can all benefit from opportunities to sharpen the saw and minimize our mistakes.
Often, it’s the words we perceive as being more “correct” or sophisticated that don’t really mean what we think they do. There are 20 such words that have a tendency to make even really smart people stumble.
Have a look to see which of these commonly confused words throw you off.

Accept vs. Except

These two words sound similar but have very different meanings. Accept means to receive something willingly: “His mom accepted his explanation” or “She accepted the gift graciously.”
Except signifies exclusion: “I can attend every meeting except the one next week.”
To help you remember, note that both except and exclusion begin with ex.

Affect vs. Effect

To make these words even more confusing than they already are, both can be used as either a noun or a verb.
Let’s start with the verbs. Affect means to influence something or someone; effect means to accomplish something. “Your job was affected by the organizational restructuring” but “These changes will be effected on Monday.”
As a noun, an effect is the result of something: “The sunny weather had a huge effect on sales.” It’s almost always the right choice because the noun affect refers to an emotional state and is rarely used outside of psychological circles: “The patient’s affect was flat.”

Lie vs. Lay

We’re all pretty clear on the lie that means an untruth. It’s the other usage that trips us up. Lie also means to recline: “Why don’t you lie down and rest?” Lay requires an object: “Lay the book on the table.” Lie is something you can do by yourself, but you need an object to lay.
It’s more confusing in the past tense. The past tense of lie is—you guessed it—lay: “I lay down for an hour last night.” And the past tense of lay is laid: “I laid the book on the table.”

Bring vs. Take

Bring and take both describe transporting something or someone from one place to another, but the correct usage depends on the speaker’s point of view. Somebody brings something to you, but you take it to somewhere else: “Bring me the mail, then take your shoes to your room.”
Just remember, if the movement is toward you, use bring; if the movement is away from you, use take.

Ironic vs. Coincidental

A lot of people get this wrong. If you break your leg the day before a ski trip, that’s not ironic—it’s coincidental (and bad luck).
Ironic has several meanings, all of which include some type of reversal of what was expected. Verbal irony is when a person says one thing but clearly means another. Situational irony is when a result is the opposite of what was expected.
O. Henry was a master of situational irony. In “The Gift of the Magi,” Jim sells his watch to buy combs for his wife’s hair, and she sells her hair to buy a chain for Jim’s watch. Each character sold something precious to buy a gift for the other, but those gifts were intended for what the other person sold. That is true irony.
If you break your leg the day before a ski trip, that’s coincidental. If you drive up to the mountains to ski, and there was more snow back at your house, that’s ironic.

Imply vs. Infer

To imply means to suggest something without saying it outright. To infer means to draw a conclusion from what someone else implies. As a general rule, the speaker/writer implies, and the listener/reader infers.

Nauseous vs. Nauseated

Nauseous has been misused so often that the incorrect usage is accepted in some circles. Still, it’s important to note the difference. Nauseous means causing nausea; nauseated means experiencing nausea.
So, if your circle includes ultra-particular grammar sticklers, never say “I’m nauseous” unless you want them to be snickering behind your back.

Comprise vs. Compose

These are two of the most commonly misused words in the English language. Comprise means to include; compose means to make up.
It all comes down to parts versus the whole. When you use comprise, you put the whole first: “A soccer game comprises (includes) two halves.” When you use compose, you put the pieces first: “Fifty states compose (make up) the United States of America.”

Farther vs. Further

Farther refers to physical distance, while further describes the degree or extent of an action or situation. “I can’t run any farther,” but “I have nothing further to say.”
If you can substitute “more” or “additional,” use further.

Fewer vs. Less

Use fewer when you’re referring to separate items that can be counted; use less when referring to a whole: “You have fewer dollars, but less money.”

Bringing it all together

English grammar can be tricky, and, a lot of times, the words that sound right are actually wrong.
With words such as those listed above, you just have to memorize the rules so that when you are about to use them, you’ll catch yourself in the act and know for certain that you’ve written or said the right one.
This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmart

Wishful Thinking

Richard Socarides

I'm From Driftwood posted this on Facebook today. While watching When We Rise last night, I told Gaby that I'd seen this video. I was going to look it up and play it for him.

Last night you may have seen the story of Richard Socarides coming out to his father--one of the founders of ex-gay conversion therapy--on ABC’s When We Rise. Now you can see the real-life Richard Socarides share his first-person account of the experience. “[My father] had a tendency for the dramatic.”