Parents Say the Darndest Things

"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."

"Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."

"Please excuse fred for being. It was his father's fault."

"Please ackuse Fred for being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33."

"Mary was absent from school yesterday as she was having a gangover."

"Mary could not come to school today because she was bother by very close veins."

"Fred has an acre in his side."

"Please excuse Fred from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"Please excuse Mary from Jim yesterday. She is administrating."

"Please excuse Fred for being absent. He had a cold and could not breed well."

"Please excuse Mary. Mary has been sick and under the doctor."

"Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

"I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby born 2 years old. When do I get my money?"

"I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on half a sheet of paper."

"I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?"

"I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead."

"This is my eighth child, what are you going to do about it?"

"Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with cannot eat or do anything until he knows."

"In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory."

"I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children, one of which is a mistake, as you can see."

"My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since."

"Unless I get my husbands money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life."

"You have changed my little boy to a little girl. will this make any difference?"

"I have no children as yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works days and nights."

"In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope."

"I am very much annoyed that you branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born."