The Downtown Edmond Art Show 2014 is over, and I did pretty well. It helped that the piece that I worked on for the previous four months sold the day before the show started. But I had some difficulties in time availability and management that prevented me from getting more than the one piece done, and I was also not fully stocked on prints. When the show was over, there were two pieces that I only had one print left, and one of those was framed.
During the four month period of time that I'm working on getting ready for the show (which I refer to as my "hibernation" since there is practically no social life,) I always get a lot of ideas for projects to work on during the summer, and usually I am just busting to get started on them, but this year I put them off for a bit. The first weekend I spent just cleaning the studio. It took most of two days, and I still feel like there's more to be done. This weekend is being spent matting and framing, getting ready for next year. I figure if I do it now, I won't be in a rush next Spring. Next weekend I have some work to be done for clients.
This was the 21st year to do the Edmond show, and the weather and turnout couldn't have been better. My Dad came by to deliver some business cards and he had to park three blocks away. But I was alone for much of the show. Gaby is working a new job (yay!), and he wasn't available most of the daytime hours. It was the first time I'd set up by myself in a decade, though the two of us raised the tent the night before. Still, everything went very smoothly -- at least, at the show.
Part of the time availability problem I had during the hibernation was that for a month my weekends were split. This is not only exhausting for a night shift person, but it robs one of all useful time. One is given the choice of either sleeping or doing, and one Friday night I came to work on only 40 minutes of sleep. That's not good when your job is to drive other people's cars. But fortunately our new bell captain is very sympathetic, and he corrected the problem promptly. His assistant, on the other hand, created a problem that he wants to blame on me.
Sunday night, after the last day of the show, I was in the shower preparing to go to bed when my phone rang. I returned the call to the unfamiliar number, and the Sunday afternoon bellman told me that I was on the schedule for that night. I told him that that's impossible because I've been at art show all weekend, and I'm not available. He said, Oh yeah, that's right, and that he'd call the boss and see what was to be done. The overnight security guy was splitting time between that department and ours, so he wound up covering for me. (He never said so, but I got the impression that he wasn't happy, and blamed me for the situation.)
On Monday night, I told this story to several people who all seemed to understand the situation from my point of view, but on Tuesday night I was informed that I had been written up for a no call/no show. Ridiculous, I thought, and said so in written form on the write-up sheet that I didn't sign. The next morning, the ABC took me to a private room and explained that MY assessment of the situation was wrong. He said that I had requested time off, part of that request had been denied, that if I'd checked the schedule I would have seen that I was working. I thought his argument was very reasonable and well presented, but he was still flat wrong. I did not request time off. I informed him of dates that I WOULD NOT BE AVAILABLE. His failure to use that information when he made the schedule is not my fault. And although it is true that I should have looked at the schedule, I still would not have been in to work that night because I WAS NOT AVAILABLE.
Anyway, this is still ongoing, though in the background.
Since Gaby started working, he cannot go out to the club with me on Monday night, which is my only night that I can go out. I've stolen time to go out a couple of times this Spring, but without him, there seems to be a hole in the evening. Now that the hibernation is over, I can go out on a somewhat regular basis, but in the last four months I've missed out on a lot of what's going on in the lives of our friends, so I really don't know if Monday is going to be much of a habit with them anymore. I miss seeing everybody. But I still work with the lynchpin of the gang, and there's always Facebook to keep me somewhat informed.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting started on all these Summer projects I've got bouncing around in my head. A friend once said that the day after the art show was like New Years Day for me. I totally agree. And I resolve to... try not to waste the whole Summer.
Showing posts with label socializing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label socializing. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Thursday, April 26, 2012
I, Solation
The bar at the hotel has a few regulars who happen to be gay. One of them, who also happens to be a reporter for a local TV station, came in with a large group of his friends the other night. I think they were celebrating a birthday. Most of them were young, most were good looking, and it was obvious they all liked each other. For a while, during the slow process of leaving and saying goodnight, they stood on the front sidewalk where I was working, and I got to observe them as they engaged in affectionate banter the way real friends do, and the hugs and kisses as they left for the night.
A couple of mornings later, one of my co-workers facetiously asked me if I enjoyed seeing all those young gay guys together in a group. (Teasing comments are part of our normal conversation.) He didn't know that I had actually been thinking about that group of guys a lot. I said, "No, actually it just made me sad." Of course I had to explain what I meant.
Fact is, I miss having a crowd.
I'm nearly 50 years old. I'm nocturnal. I'm poor. The friends we do have either don't know each other or don't like each other, and some of them live in the land of Far Far Away. (We live in Edmond, which, in OKC's gay scene, is like living at the North Pole.) And everybody is busy busy busy. So getting together with, say, half a dozen other people is difficult at best.
I have friends at work, but even getting together with them is difficult. We went to a party recently that was being thrown by a co-worker. Gaby and I were first to arrive and first to leave because I had to work that night. Most of the rest of the guests arrived after we left, including those I wanted to see most.
Our normal Monday night routine has been to go out to The Park, but we haven't been going out much lately, mostly just because of scheduling problems (I've been working a lot of Mondays lately, dammit). Plus, Gaby's been a unwilling to go even when we can, and I'm not often willing to go without him. Most of the people we know at the clubs are people we used to see at The Park on Monday nights. But Mondays have changed since the "show" moved from The Park across the street to The Phoenix, and when we do go out, the people we know aren't there because they just haven't made the switch. I did make one new friend at the Phoenix -- through a co-worker, no less -- but that friendship hasn't been cultivated because we haven't been there to do it.
I read somewhere online recently that the gay clubs, at least from the social aspect, are a lot like church. I can definitely see that, but Gaby and I are attenders who have not gotten involved with any ministries, so our social connections are tenuous at best. But the weather's getting warmer now, and both The Park and the Phoenix have a patio out back, away from the thumpa-thumpa, and it's so much easier to get into a good conversation with someone when you can actually hear each other. Conversation is my favorite thing; the challenge is finding someone interested.
Right now I'm busy with art shows, so I have little time myself to socialize. But what I really want to do is to find a couple of our friends who are willing and able to go with us out of town for a couple of days. But who? And I'm not sure Gaby's on board with this because the first time I brought it up to him, he gave me a bunch of reasons why it was unlikely to happen instead of helping me figure out how it could happen. But I have vacation time I need to use, and this is how I want to use it. I just got to figure out how.
A couple of mornings later, one of my co-workers facetiously asked me if I enjoyed seeing all those young gay guys together in a group. (Teasing comments are part of our normal conversation.) He didn't know that I had actually been thinking about that group of guys a lot. I said, "No, actually it just made me sad." Of course I had to explain what I meant.
Fact is, I miss having a crowd.
I'm nearly 50 years old. I'm nocturnal. I'm poor. The friends we do have either don't know each other or don't like each other, and some of them live in the land of Far Far Away. (We live in Edmond, which, in OKC's gay scene, is like living at the North Pole.) And everybody is busy busy busy. So getting together with, say, half a dozen other people is difficult at best.
I have friends at work, but even getting together with them is difficult. We went to a party recently that was being thrown by a co-worker. Gaby and I were first to arrive and first to leave because I had to work that night. Most of the rest of the guests arrived after we left, including those I wanted to see most.
Our normal Monday night routine has been to go out to The Park, but we haven't been going out much lately, mostly just because of scheduling problems (I've been working a lot of Mondays lately, dammit). Plus, Gaby's been a unwilling to go even when we can, and I'm not often willing to go without him. Most of the people we know at the clubs are people we used to see at The Park on Monday nights. But Mondays have changed since the "show" moved from The Park across the street to The Phoenix, and when we do go out, the people we know aren't there because they just haven't made the switch. I did make one new friend at the Phoenix -- through a co-worker, no less -- but that friendship hasn't been cultivated because we haven't been there to do it.
I read somewhere online recently that the gay clubs, at least from the social aspect, are a lot like church. I can definitely see that, but Gaby and I are attenders who have not gotten involved with any ministries, so our social connections are tenuous at best. But the weather's getting warmer now, and both The Park and the Phoenix have a patio out back, away from the thumpa-thumpa, and it's so much easier to get into a good conversation with someone when you can actually hear each other. Conversation is my favorite thing; the challenge is finding someone interested.
Right now I'm busy with art shows, so I have little time myself to socialize. But what I really want to do is to find a couple of our friends who are willing and able to go with us out of town for a couple of days. But who? And I'm not sure Gaby's on board with this because the first time I brought it up to him, he gave me a bunch of reasons why it was unlikely to happen instead of helping me figure out how it could happen. But I have vacation time I need to use, and this is how I want to use it. I just got to figure out how.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Grace and Small Talk
A couple from Florida stayed at the hotel this week. My attention was first aroused when one of them, a very handsome fellow, came down with their dog, a prince charles. The second morning that they were here, I got to tell him that that was the same breed of dog my partner had originally wanted before he got the schnauzer. That evening he introduced me to his partner. I hoped for a chance to visit with them, so I offered them the tour of the hotel. They thanked me, said they'd think about it, but went on to bed a bit later.
Last night I thought I finally had a chance to talk. They got in late, and sat out on the patio outside the bar for an evening smoke. I had just finished my major task for the evening, and had a few minutes, so I walked over and asked, "Do you guys mind if I join you?" They looked at me as if I'd offered them a booger. I sat down anyway.
One of them was explaining to the other plans for an event they were going to, and they pretty much ignored me for a couple of minutes. Then the other asked me how I was doing tonight, and I said that it just felt good to sit down for a minute. Hindsight tells me that at this point I could have asked them about their trip home the next day, and asked if the dog was a good traveler, etc. But I was feeling decidedly unwelcome and my thoughts didn't go that direction. They immediately resumed their previous conversation, and after a minute or two, I got up to pick up some glasses and trash left on a nearby table, and left them alone.
It put me in mind of another situation out at the club a couple of years ago, in which I saw a young fellow I knew sitting at a table talking to another young man. I walked over and said hi, and his response was, "Do you mind??? We're having a PRIVate conversation!" I was dumbfounded, and retreated, but in all honesty this is only the most shocking example of the way some people act at the club. Unfortunately, a lot of guys like to make a show of snubbing other people.
So the question in my mind tonight is, Why is it so hard for gay guys to be gracious?
That situation should have gone like this:
Me: Good evening, K. How are you?
K: Hey, there! I'm doing fine. How 'bout yourself?
Me: Not bad.
K: This is my friend C.
Me: Hello, C. I'm Ron. (handshake)
C: Hello, Ron.
K: Hey, listen, Ron. Could you excuse us? We're in the middle of something.
Me: Sure, no problem.
K: Thanks. We'll try to catch up with you later.
Me: Ok. Nice to meet you, C.
C: Likewise, Ron. (handshake)
Me: (pat K on back, leave)
Now, is that so hard? Everyone got what they wanted, and no one went away feeling like the other was a dickhead.
Last night I thought I finally had a chance to talk. They got in late, and sat out on the patio outside the bar for an evening smoke. I had just finished my major task for the evening, and had a few minutes, so I walked over and asked, "Do you guys mind if I join you?" They looked at me as if I'd offered them a booger. I sat down anyway.
One of them was explaining to the other plans for an event they were going to, and they pretty much ignored me for a couple of minutes. Then the other asked me how I was doing tonight, and I said that it just felt good to sit down for a minute. Hindsight tells me that at this point I could have asked them about their trip home the next day, and asked if the dog was a good traveler, etc. But I was feeling decidedly unwelcome and my thoughts didn't go that direction. They immediately resumed their previous conversation, and after a minute or two, I got up to pick up some glasses and trash left on a nearby table, and left them alone.
It put me in mind of another situation out at the club a couple of years ago, in which I saw a young fellow I knew sitting at a table talking to another young man. I walked over and said hi, and his response was, "Do you mind??? We're having a PRIVate conversation!" I was dumbfounded, and retreated, but in all honesty this is only the most shocking example of the way some people act at the club. Unfortunately, a lot of guys like to make a show of snubbing other people.
So the question in my mind tonight is, Why is it so hard for gay guys to be gracious?
That situation should have gone like this:
Me: Good evening, K. How are you?
K: Hey, there! I'm doing fine. How 'bout yourself?
Me: Not bad.
K: This is my friend C.
Me: Hello, C. I'm Ron. (handshake)
C: Hello, Ron.
K: Hey, listen, Ron. Could you excuse us? We're in the middle of something.
Me: Sure, no problem.
K: Thanks. We'll try to catch up with you later.
Me: Ok. Nice to meet you, C.
C: Likewise, Ron. (handshake)
Me: (pat K on back, leave)
Now, is that so hard? Everyone got what they wanted, and no one went away feeling like the other was a dickhead.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Pool Party
One of our managers (the AFOM, which makes him my boss' boss) likes to throw pool parties at his house during the summer. The guest list includes present and former hotel employees, and a few other friends. The party on Sunday night was the first of the season, and it was also the first time that I had no scheduling conflict, so Gaby and I were able to go. We wound up staying for 6½ hours, leaving at 3am. 
He also has four labradors (they're not all his, but I didn't hear the stories behind them) who enjoyed the party as much as everyone else. One of them, Thomas, is addicted to fetch. At first he was 
bringing us a nasty rope toy, but when AFOM threw it over the fence, he found a stick in the yard, and now that was his new favorite toy. We had a lot of fun teasing him by hiding it, pretending to throw it, and all the other ways one plays with a dog's brain. Once, I pretended to throw it in the pool, but threw ice instead. He saw the splash and dove right in. The poor thing spent the next several minutes swimming laps looking for his stick.
Although the water was cold, there was a whole lot of swimming going on through the wee hours of the morning. At one point we were joined by a toad which had to be rescued from the dogs. All in all, we had a terrific time, and I can't wait till the next one.
We found one of the couples there to be amusing. They were in the "other friends" category. She was a very pretty young lady with sandy hair and a perfect figure, who kept complaining about being fat. The more she drank, the more politically polarized she became. Anyone who had voted for Obama was her friend; anyone who didn't was an object of scorn. She didn't know what to do with us because Gaby can't vote, and I voted for Obama in spite of being a Republican. I suspect that her political leanings have very little to do with actual issues, and more to do with the President's rock star status.
Her young man was very attractive, though we think he knew it. We couldn't help but stare, and he noticed. The drunker he got, the more he appreciated being appreciated. He kept posing for my camera, and every time he looked me in the eye, he grinned mischievously, as if to say, "I know you want me." He's way too young, but I did enjoy looking.
Our AFOM has a pretty nice house. Like ours, it has a lot of partially finished/partially started remodeling and improvement projects going. He's got a lot of ideas if he can just get around to them.
He also has four labradors (they're not all his, but I didn't hear the stories behind them) who enjoyed the party as much as everyone else. One of them, Thomas, is addicted to fetch. At first he was 
bringing us a nasty rope toy, but when AFOM threw it over the fence, he found a stick in the yard, and now that was his new favorite toy. We had a lot of fun teasing him by hiding it, pretending to throw it, and all the other ways one plays with a dog's brain. Once, I pretended to throw it in the pool, but threw ice instead. He saw the splash and dove right in. The poor thing spent the next several minutes swimming laps looking for his stick.
Although the water was cold, there was a whole lot of swimming going on through the wee hours of the morning. At one point we were joined by a toad which had to be rescued from the dogs. All in all, we had a terrific time, and I can't wait till the next one.Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Good Trip
I'm enjoying this trip a lot more than the last time we were here. The lodgings are more enjoyable, I'm getting some rest, and we've seen all the friends we want to see without being rushed to be someplace.
We left here yesterday to see our good friend Charla, who lives in Bedford. Besides leaving later than we intended, it took us forever to get through the traffic jam on the "high five," the new interchange between I-635 and State Highway 75. Charla took us to lunch at Cheddar's, and we went back to her house and caught up on stuff. Gaby told her when we were leaving that he wished she lived close enough that we could visit at least once a week. Me, too.
Traffic kinda forced us to take the long way home. I don't mind that kind of thing when we have nowhere special to be. I really like exploring. Back to the hotel for a nap and then to meet Saul for a late supper.
Saul was Gaby's roommate when Gaby lived in Garland. (Robin Williams played him in "The Bird Cage." I swear, it was uncanny.) He met us a little Italian place called Tony's (of course.) I was delighted to find tortellini bolognese on the menu. I love that stuff, and I haven't had any since, oh, 1986? Saul gave Gaby a computer he'd picked up at the thrift store. We'll see if it works.
Then we went out to the "area," as Gaby calls it. It's a cluster of gay-owned shops, restaurants, and clubs at the corner of Cedar Springs and Throckmorton. (Look up the medical term "throckmorton" on wikipedia.) Not very many people out on a Monday night. We had a stilted conversation with a couple there, which I started, but it didn't last long. Gaby chastised me about just walking up to people and talking to them, but how are we supposed to meet anybody if we don't? I did find out that I really don't care for vodka-7s, even with a lime.
Anyway, back to the hotel, and to bed. Lunch today with Saul, then home, and work.
We left here yesterday to see our good friend Charla, who lives in Bedford. Besides leaving later than we intended, it took us forever to get through the traffic jam on the "high five," the new interchange between I-635 and State Highway 75. Charla took us to lunch at Cheddar's, and we went back to her house and caught up on stuff. Gaby told her when we were leaving that he wished she lived close enough that we could visit at least once a week. Me, too.Traffic kinda forced us to take the long way home. I don't mind that kind of thing when we have nowhere special to be. I really like exploring. Back to the hotel for a nap and then to meet Saul for a late supper.
Saul was Gaby's roommate when Gaby lived in Garland. (Robin Williams played him in "The Bird Cage." I swear, it was uncanny.) He met us a little Italian place called Tony's (of course.) I was delighted to find tortellini bolognese on the menu. I love that stuff, and I haven't had any since, oh, 1986? Saul gave Gaby a computer he'd picked up at the thrift store. We'll see if it works.
Then we went out to the "area," as Gaby calls it. It's a cluster of gay-owned shops, restaurants, and clubs at the corner of Cedar Springs and Throckmorton. (Look up the medical term "throckmorton" on wikipedia.) Not very many people out on a Monday night. We had a stilted conversation with a couple there, which I started, but it didn't last long. Gaby chastised me about just walking up to people and talking to them, but how are we supposed to meet anybody if we don't? I did find out that I really don't care for vodka-7s, even with a lime.
Anyway, back to the hotel, and to bed. Lunch today with Saul, then home, and work.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
There's One (Or Two) In Every Crowd
Tuesday was Gaby's 40th birthday, and I threw him a surprise party. I say "surprise" although he knew something was up. I had to tell him that someone special was coming over just to keep him from going to Texas. And at some point preceding, he found the beer and liquor that I had carefully hidden in the studio. Ah, well.
Ten guests showed up, five times more than the last party I threw, and Gaby really had a good time. My friend Jason made a marvelous cake, and I got way too much food and beer. Everyone seems to have had a good time, and I think a couple of the guys might start dropping in once in a while.
Since the party was on a Tuesday, I started inviting people a month in advance so they could make arrangements. I called Jason to get him to make the cake. I called Gus to have him start thinking about who of the Hispanics should be invited. (Gus had taken Gaby camping with a few other guys, and I hoped that some of those guys could come. Gus repeatedly complained about the party being on a Tuesday, and ultimately I don't think he called anyone.)
I invited our friends from Texas, and they were all eager to come, but two couldn't get out of work, one couldn't get a baby-sitter for two days, and the other, our dearest friend, Charla, got sick. Charla overnighted a card and gift certificate that arrived just a couple of hours before the party, and she and two of the other Texans called during the party.
Locally, I invited a few of my cöworkers, and some guys we know from the club. In particular, I invited Gus' cöworker, Oscar, a fellow that Gaby had gotten to know recently, and whose company he really enjoyed. Oscar didn't know me well enough for me to call him on the phone, so I went to his office and extended a personal invitation to him and his wife.
A week before the party, I sent a text message out to those with cell phones as a reminder. Oscar texted back demanding to know who Gaby was. I texted back that Gaby was the guy who helped him move into his new house just a few days before. I couldn't believe he had forgotten him so quickly.
A couple of days before the party, I called around RSVPish to get a feel for how much food I should buy, and to make sure everyone had directions. Most were eager to come, one had to decline. From these calls, I figured there would be around 15 people. Even if 15 had shown up, I still had way too much food. The enchiladas I made were a whole serving each, and I had enough fixins for 50. (I made twenty; twelve were eaten.) I also got six bags of chips, three cans of Mexican style rice (which was awful), a whole bag of limes, and enough Velveeta to make two crock pots full of queso. Some guests also brought food.
I also bought seven bottles of pop, $56 worth of beer (and I don't even like beer), a bottle of tequila, and a bottle of vodka (which, along with the Kahlua one guest brought for White Russians, was the only thing anyone drank.)
I think we're going to have to throw another party just to get rid of the beer and chips.
A day or two after the party, Gaby talked to Gus. Gus didn't think we had enough food. He also said that Oscar decided not to come to the party because I had been "harassing" him with all the phone calls and text messages. Singular people, those two. I'm not sure what to say about the harassment charge.
Ten guests showed up, five times more than the last party I threw, and Gaby really had a good time. My friend Jason made a marvelous cake, and I got way too much food and beer. Everyone seems to have had a good time, and I think a couple of the guys might start dropping in once in a while.
Since the party was on a Tuesday, I started inviting people a month in advance so they could make arrangements. I called Jason to get him to make the cake. I called Gus to have him start thinking about who of the Hispanics should be invited. (Gus had taken Gaby camping with a few other guys, and I hoped that some of those guys could come. Gus repeatedly complained about the party being on a Tuesday, and ultimately I don't think he called anyone.)
I invited our friends from Texas, and they were all eager to come, but two couldn't get out of work, one couldn't get a baby-sitter for two days, and the other, our dearest friend, Charla, got sick. Charla overnighted a card and gift certificate that arrived just a couple of hours before the party, and she and two of the other Texans called during the party.
Locally, I invited a few of my cöworkers, and some guys we know from the club. In particular, I invited Gus' cöworker, Oscar, a fellow that Gaby had gotten to know recently, and whose company he really enjoyed. Oscar didn't know me well enough for me to call him on the phone, so I went to his office and extended a personal invitation to him and his wife.
A week before the party, I sent a text message out to those with cell phones as a reminder. Oscar texted back demanding to know who Gaby was. I texted back that Gaby was the guy who helped him move into his new house just a few days before. I couldn't believe he had forgotten him so quickly.
A couple of days before the party, I called around RSVPish to get a feel for how much food I should buy, and to make sure everyone had directions. Most were eager to come, one had to decline. From these calls, I figured there would be around 15 people. Even if 15 had shown up, I still had way too much food. The enchiladas I made were a whole serving each, and I had enough fixins for 50. (I made twenty; twelve were eaten.) I also got six bags of chips, three cans of Mexican style rice (which was awful), a whole bag of limes, and enough Velveeta to make two crock pots full of queso. Some guests also brought food.
I also bought seven bottles of pop, $56 worth of beer (and I don't even like beer), a bottle of tequila, and a bottle of vodka (which, along with the Kahlua one guest brought for White Russians, was the only thing anyone drank.)
I think we're going to have to throw another party just to get rid of the beer and chips.
A day or two after the party, Gaby talked to Gus. Gus didn't think we had enough food. He also said that Oscar decided not to come to the party because I had been "harassing" him with all the phone calls and text messages. Singular people, those two. I'm not sure what to say about the harassment charge.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sidetracked
It's amazing the number of conflicting feelings a person can have at one time or in quick succession.
Anticipation
We were invited to a birthday party last night, and although it was an inconvenient night (I had to go to work an hour after the party started), I really wanted to go. I had gone to Lalo's birthday party seven years ago, and really had a good time, and that was also the last time I had had an opportunity to spend time with him and his friends.
Consternation
Now, I thought we were going straight to the party. Not so. I am informed on the way that we have to go to Gus and Bill's house. This is told to me in that way Gaby has of explaining things to me like I missed something obvious. We are not giving Gus a ride to the party. We don't need Gus to tell us how to get to the party. Gus has nothing we need to bring to the party. I still don't know why we went there. Furthermore, Gaby knows that I've been trying to avoid Bill ever since I found out that I can't seem to be around Bill for very long without offending him in some way.
Relief
When we arrived, it turned out that they had company, and were eating dinner, and they invited us to eat. I was grateful for the opportunity because I hadn't eaten and wasn't sure there would be real food at the party. If not, I would have to swing by Smackymac's on the way to work. Instead, we were treated to barbecue briskit, ribs, stuffed peppers, roasted potatoes, and rice.
Trepidation
Bill greeted us warmly when we came in. He expressed pleasure at seeing me, commenting that it had been a long time. I mumbled some response. All through dinner, and afterwards I tried to stay as inconspicuous as possible, keeping my conversation to a minimum, not moving around too much, not touching anything. I did have a good time, actually, visiting with everybody, but I was very self-conscious.
Sadness
When it was time for me to go to work, I told everybody goodbye individually. I moved to shake Bill's hand and got a hug instead. It just reminded me that at this point in our relationship it is me carrying the grudge. I got my feelings hurt over things he had said to Gus and Gaby (and apparently others) about things that I had done guilelessly, and I'm having trouble letting go. I'm not like this. I usually find anger to be a waste of time, but I can't help how I feel. He's a new friend. Ours is a new and developing friendship, but it's been sidetracked.
Disapointment
We never made it to the party.
Consolation
No one else showed up till long after I was at work.
Anticipation
We were invited to a birthday party last night, and although it was an inconvenient night (I had to go to work an hour after the party started), I really wanted to go. I had gone to Lalo's birthday party seven years ago, and really had a good time, and that was also the last time I had had an opportunity to spend time with him and his friends.
Consternation
Now, I thought we were going straight to the party. Not so. I am informed on the way that we have to go to Gus and Bill's house. This is told to me in that way Gaby has of explaining things to me like I missed something obvious. We are not giving Gus a ride to the party. We don't need Gus to tell us how to get to the party. Gus has nothing we need to bring to the party. I still don't know why we went there. Furthermore, Gaby knows that I've been trying to avoid Bill ever since I found out that I can't seem to be around Bill for very long without offending him in some way.
Relief
When we arrived, it turned out that they had company, and were eating dinner, and they invited us to eat. I was grateful for the opportunity because I hadn't eaten and wasn't sure there would be real food at the party. If not, I would have to swing by Smackymac's on the way to work. Instead, we were treated to barbecue briskit, ribs, stuffed peppers, roasted potatoes, and rice.
Trepidation
Bill greeted us warmly when we came in. He expressed pleasure at seeing me, commenting that it had been a long time. I mumbled some response. All through dinner, and afterwards I tried to stay as inconspicuous as possible, keeping my conversation to a minimum, not moving around too much, not touching anything. I did have a good time, actually, visiting with everybody, but I was very self-conscious.
Sadness
When it was time for me to go to work, I told everybody goodbye individually. I moved to shake Bill's hand and got a hug instead. It just reminded me that at this point in our relationship it is me carrying the grudge. I got my feelings hurt over things he had said to Gus and Gaby (and apparently others) about things that I had done guilelessly, and I'm having trouble letting go. I'm not like this. I usually find anger to be a waste of time, but I can't help how I feel. He's a new friend. Ours is a new and developing friendship, but it's been sidetracked.
Disapointment
We never made it to the party.
Consolation
No one else showed up till long after I was at work.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
At the Corner of Lover's Lane and Wall Street
Several years ago, I sent an email to a very smart friend of mine concerning an uncommited relationship with a young man, G, who had just told me that he didn't "feel the magic" with me.Doc: Sometimes my thoughts and my emotions aren't on the same wavelength. I should be relieved. Instead I feel kind of empty.
I was trying to be protective of his feelings, while enjoying as much of his company as possible.
I promised nothing.
I wondered how he would feel, once I started going out again, if I acted the same way I always did.
Turns out I needn't have worried.
Turns out he was protecting my feelings.
But I had no feelings; just a strong attraction. Right?
So how come I feel like I've been dumped?
Brandon: Because while you were enjoying his company, you were investing part of yourself into that relationship; you were concerned about him and his feelings, and you spent energy and time thinking about it, and so on. You were about to withdraw from that investment, But the stock in that investment had dropped before you had "closed the deal," or in psychological terms, had the type of closure you were preparing yourself for. And since the value of that relationship had decreased, the net effect is a loss. No one feels good after a loss on an investment, whether it's a financial one, or one of putting yourself into someone else.
Either that, or you did have feelings for him, and you did get dumped.
Can you tell Brandon was a finance major?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Meet 'n' Greet
There was a convention in town last week. They took over all the hotels in downtown, and some of the faces became a bit familiar.
Thursday night, after our bar had closed, a group of Bostonians wanted to go to another bar. I got the hotel van and took them to a place that would be open till 2:00, and then came back to pick them up when it closed. One of them mentioned french fries, so I took them to Sonic. They thought this was really cool, because they don't have Sonic in Boston. In, fact, they were texting friends back home to tell them about it.
One of the guys and I hit it off really well, and he invited me to come hang out in his room for a while. That's actually against the rules, and I had a task to do, but when I had finished I went and got him and took him on the tour of the hotel. I really enjoyed his company, but I felt restricted by the job.
I was off on Friday (very unusual), so Gaby and I went out to the club. While there, I noticed a young fellow who didn't seem to know anyone, so I introduced myself and Gaby, and it turned out that he was a lot of fun to talk to. He was part of the same convention, visiting from a town near San Antonio. I introduced him to a couple of other guys, and whenever we ran into him during the rest of the evening, he seemed to be having a good time.
On the way home, Gaby remarked on how easy it was for me to just walk up to people and say hi. I told that it had started after I met him. It seemed like when we became a couple, suddenly I wasn't afraid of rejection from other people.
That was a rather sweeping statement, though. The truth is that I can still be apprehensive about meeting people. However, being part of a couple has made me bolder. It's kind of easy to walk up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm Ron and this is Gabriel," and expect a positive response. And when a simple introduction turns into a good conversation, that's terrific. And for this guy, I was just doing what I would like someone to do for me.
At my job, I am the face of the hotel after 11:00pm, and I take that role seriously. I welcome the guests, introduce myself and the front desk staff, offer my valet and bellman services, and let them know that I'm available for whatever needs they might have overnight. One cannot be shy doing my job. But conversation is generally small talk and discussing the hotel's history and services.
I meet an awful lot of people at this job, but once in a while I meet someone I'd really like to get to know. The Bostonian was one. He and his friends together in the van were a lot of fun, and by himself he was really nice, and fun to talk to. It would have been nice to sit and have a long conversation, but I was at work, and my time was limited by the tasks I need to complete on my shift. Plus, he was a hotel guest, and it's my job to offer my services as a hotel employee, and not to socialize on a personal level.
Similar situation, a couple of weeks ago, I got to talking to a fellow from Washington D.C. as he was having his evening cigarette, and it turned out that we'd read the same books, and were interested in the same historical topics. We could have talked for hours in other circumstances, but I was at work, and, well, you know.
Now, I'm not naïve enough to believe that I'm actually going to develop a lasting friendship with someone from across the country who I happened to speak to for a few minutes one night. Nor am I blind to the fact that I wouldn't meet them in the first place if I didn't have the job that I do. It's just that the barriers are frustrating me.
Thursday night, after our bar had closed, a group of Bostonians wanted to go to another bar. I got the hotel van and took them to a place that would be open till 2:00, and then came back to pick them up when it closed. One of them mentioned french fries, so I took them to Sonic. They thought this was really cool, because they don't have Sonic in Boston. In, fact, they were texting friends back home to tell them about it.
One of the guys and I hit it off really well, and he invited me to come hang out in his room for a while. That's actually against the rules, and I had a task to do, but when I had finished I went and got him and took him on the tour of the hotel. I really enjoyed his company, but I felt restricted by the job.
I was off on Friday (very unusual), so Gaby and I went out to the club. While there, I noticed a young fellow who didn't seem to know anyone, so I introduced myself and Gaby, and it turned out that he was a lot of fun to talk to. He was part of the same convention, visiting from a town near San Antonio. I introduced him to a couple of other guys, and whenever we ran into him during the rest of the evening, he seemed to be having a good time.
On the way home, Gaby remarked on how easy it was for me to just walk up to people and say hi. I told that it had started after I met him. It seemed like when we became a couple, suddenly I wasn't afraid of rejection from other people.
That was a rather sweeping statement, though. The truth is that I can still be apprehensive about meeting people. However, being part of a couple has made me bolder. It's kind of easy to walk up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm Ron and this is Gabriel," and expect a positive response. And when a simple introduction turns into a good conversation, that's terrific. And for this guy, I was just doing what I would like someone to do for me.
At my job, I am the face of the hotel after 11:00pm, and I take that role seriously. I welcome the guests, introduce myself and the front desk staff, offer my valet and bellman services, and let them know that I'm available for whatever needs they might have overnight. One cannot be shy doing my job. But conversation is generally small talk and discussing the hotel's history and services.
I meet an awful lot of people at this job, but once in a while I meet someone I'd really like to get to know. The Bostonian was one. He and his friends together in the van were a lot of fun, and by himself he was really nice, and fun to talk to. It would have been nice to sit and have a long conversation, but I was at work, and my time was limited by the tasks I need to complete on my shift. Plus, he was a hotel guest, and it's my job to offer my services as a hotel employee, and not to socialize on a personal level.
Similar situation, a couple of weeks ago, I got to talking to a fellow from Washington D.C. as he was having his evening cigarette, and it turned out that we'd read the same books, and were interested in the same historical topics. We could have talked for hours in other circumstances, but I was at work, and, well, you know.
Now, I'm not naïve enough to believe that I'm actually going to develop a lasting friendship with someone from across the country who I happened to speak to for a few minutes one night. Nor am I blind to the fact that I wouldn't meet them in the first place if I didn't have the job that I do. It's just that the barriers are frustrating me.
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