A Letter to the Editor of the Gazette

I read a letter published in the OK Gazette, and it was keeping me awake thinking about it. I believe an argument consists of points that should lead to a logical conclusion, and though it wasn't apparent at first, I now believe the arguments presented failed to do so. Although my own position may be obvious, my response was meant to point out the flaws, not to argue a point. So far, my response has not been published.

When I first read K.A. Straughn's letter to the editor, I was very impressed with its clarity of thought and his ability to express his thoughts without sounding hysterical or bigoted. I am not one of those people (as I am afraid a lot of gay people are) who believes that a dissenting opinion is a form of oppression. Initially I only had a problem with one of his points, which was that gay Oklahomans have the same right to marry as any other Oklahoman. As stated, he is exactly right, but his point doesn't work in real life with real people.

In 1968, the Supreme Court declared that marriage was a fundamental human right. At issue was interracial marriage. Opponents of gay marriage are quick to point out that even if a Chinese man marries a Somali woman, they are still a man and a woman. But on the other side of the argument, this was the first time that the government of the U.S. had acknowledged that love relationships don't always conform to social conventions, such as race, religion, ethnicity or nationality. We believe that the right to marry includes the right to marry a person one loves and wants to build a life with, and not just the passionless right to a legal contract.

From there, some of the other arguments fell apart as well. Polygamy and group marriage were mentioned, but they are to the gay marriage argument what rape and incest victims are to the abortion argument. Yes, they exist, but their numbers are too small to be statistically relevant, regardless of how upsetting and provocative their situations might be. Besides that, there are other issues at stake that have nothing to do with gay marriage. And the comparison with incest and pedophilia is just insulting.

My brother is not married to his wife. That's his choice. I don't understand it (something about not needing the government's approval of their relationship), but it's what they decided was right for them. If he changes his mind, he has that choice as well. I would love to have that choice. My partner and I have been a couple for seven years, and it's aggravating that the gambler and the hooker who got married last night in Vegas have more rights than we do. The argument that giving me those rights would force legal benefits on my brother doesn't work.

So let's suppose that my partner and I do get married. How does it affect those who would rather we couldn't? They would still be allowed to marry, and stay married to whomever they chose. They would still have their Constitutionally protected right to oppose my marriage on religious grounds, and the Constitutionally protected right to say so out loud. Nothing would change for them. Personally I've never understood the phrase "defense of marriage" as related to gay marriage. It seems to me that marriage would need to be defended from those who would wish to devalue marriage, not from those who prize it highly. With skyrocketing divorce rates and courtship and marriage being sold on TV for entertainment, it would seem that ship has sailed.

Among the GLBT community, the "gay agenda," as it is spoken of among those who oppose it, is largely thought of as a conspiracy theory, right alongside of who really shot Kennedy, and how many communists there are in the State Department. I'm sure there are a lot of local groups, perhaps even statewide groups fighting for civil rights, but personally, I've never heard of the one mentioned in the editorial. I and most, if not all, of my friends would probably fall into the "unconscionably uninformed" category. At best, we are a bunch of individuals who want the same thing. We're just lucky to be living in a time where more people are listening. A commentator on ABC said that tolerance has become an American value. As a result, we are finding the freedom to be who we are, organized or not.

A Raceless Face

Okay. We have

2 parents,
4 grandparents,
8 great-grandparents,
16 great-great grandparents,
32 great-great-great grandparents.

Five generations and we already have 62 ancestors.
And the numbers just keep getting bigger: 64, 128, 256, 512, 1,024.
Ten generations give us 2046 ancestors.
2,048, 4,096, 8,192, 16,384, 32,768.
At fifteen we're up to 65,534.
65,536, 131,072, 262,144, 524,288, 1,048,576.
In twenty generations we've acumulated 2,097,150 ancestors.
How many of your ancestors can you actually account for?

What were their ethnic backgrounds?

What race are you, actually? Does it really matter?
The only race that matters is the human race.

So put that on your census form.

We Lo-o-ove Conventions. NOT!

From a business standpoint, conventions are good. They keep the hotel full for several days, and that's a good thing. But for those of us who make a substantial portion of our living from new arrivals and vehicles, they can really cut into our income. And sometimes our sanity.
Most people who arrive for a convention will come by taxi. The convention center is two blocks from the hotel, so there is no need to rent a car. So, even though the hotel is full, the garage is empty. And once the new arrivals are here, they're here to stay. Ergo, opportunities for tips are few, especially if one works the night shift. And with two conventions this month, my budget is suffering.
Then there is the problem of tip fatigue. Room service is expensive to begin with, and there is a small gratuity added on to the bill. However, in room service, all charged tips are split between all room service personel, so that $1.25 is split 10 ways. Our room service gal informs me that within a day or so the conventioneers notice the small gratuity on the bill, and the cash tips stop.
I should point out at this point that we are a full service hotel. We are not the Best Western or the Days Inn. We, the bellmen, are expected to help with luggage when the guest has enough to need a bellcart. The bellcarts are the tools that we use to do our job. So when a guest takes a bellcart to his room and keeps it there for a substantial amount of time, they are robbing us of our ability to do our job. This was the situation last Sunday morning when three of our bellcarts went missing while dozens of guests were trying to leave at the same time. Needless to say, we had many unhappy guests, and many frustrated bellmen.
Of course, the economy affects the gratuity as well. Normally, we get $2-5 for pulling around a car, but lately it's often just $1. Where it's normally $10-20 for luggage assistance, lately it's often been $5. This is understandable from some people but confusing or insulting if we know that the guest is well off.
The latest convention was a group of locally based pyramid schemers. Having been in the hotel business for six years, this is my sixth convention, and my sixth year of conventioneers trying to sell me on the company with promises of high income and opportunity of advancement. But what I hear and what I see are two very different things.* If they're making so much money, why...

• do they need to pack 4 to 6 people into one hotel room to share the cost?
• do so many of them have their credit cards declined? (at a rate 325% higher than other conventions and groups.)
• are they so stingy with the tips? (Even the taxi drivers comment on it.)

I did not celebrate their departure, as some of our bellman did (by playing frisbee off the top of the building with the stacks of recruitment DVDs they left with us.) In fact, I met a couple of guys I really liked. But, I am glad that we will be getting back to a normal (and, hopefully, more lucritive) routine. After it quits snowing....and after the four other conferences we have next week.

*This is not a comment on their products or services.

Not Part of the Plan

I woke up at 9:15pm. I had slept for 12 hours, and I had a slight headache. Gaby wasn't home, but had left a message on the machine that he was still at Gus'. An aspirin, shower, a frozen pizza, a couple of cups of coffee, and I was off to work.
I still felt very tired, but I thought that once the food and caffiene kicked in that I would feel ok. Not to be.
No parking places out front, so I pulled to the curb and handed my keys to Ian. He offerd to switch places with me and handed the keys back. I turned back to my car and immediatly got very dizzy. Later, while getting dressed in the locker room, I felt dizzy again. I had been having some dizzy spells for a couple of weeks, so I was a bit concerned. In the locker room, I talked with Mike, one of our cooks, about his heart problems. Not many similarities.
Gaby came by, and I told him how I was feeling, and Jess and the two of us speculated about why I felt the way I did. After he left, I went upstairs to get a six-pack of water, and then almost passed out in the office. I called Gaby and had him come back and get me. My car is still there. I had to leave my job in the care of other people. I hate that. And I'm losing several hours.
On the way home, I told him I wanted to go to the emergency room. We got there a little before 1:00am and left a little before 5:00, way past my suppertime, way past Gaby's bedtime. After blood tests, EKG, x-rays, and a lot of catnapping, the very, very cute doctor couldn't find anything wrong, except perhaps a slight irregularity with my heartbeat. Without any other symptoms, he could only suggest that I was just feeling a bit rundown. My co-pay was $150. I could have just gone home and slept it off. Thank God for insurance.

Sidetracked

It's amazing the number of conflicting feelings a person can have at one time or in quick succession.

Anticipation
We were invited to a birthday party last night, and although it was an inconvenient night (I had to go to work an hour after the party started), I really wanted to go. I had gone to Lalo's birthday party seven years ago, and really had a good time, and that was also the last time I had had an opportunity to spend time with him and his friends.

Consternation
Now, I thought we were going straight to the party. Not so. I am informed on the way that we have to go to Gus and Bill's house. This is told to me in that way Gaby has of explaining things to me like I missed something obvious. We are not giving Gus a ride to the party. We don't need Gus to tell us how to get to the party. Gus has nothing we need to bring to the party. I still don't know why we went there. Furthermore, Gaby knows that I've been trying to avoid Bill ever since I found out that I can't seem to be around Bill for very long without offending him in some way.

Relief
When we arrived, it turned out that they had company, and were eating dinner, and they invited us to eat. I was grateful for the opportunity because I hadn't eaten and wasn't sure there would be real food at the party. If not, I would have to swing by Smackymac's on the way to work. Instead, we were treated to barbecue briskit, ribs, stuffed peppers, roasted potatoes, and rice.

Trepidation
Bill greeted us warmly when we came in. He expressed pleasure at seeing me, commenting that it had been a long time. I mumbled some response. All through dinner, and afterwards I tried to stay as inconspicuous as possible, keeping my conversation to a minimum, not moving around too much, not touching anything. I did have a good time, actually, visiting with everybody, but I was very self-conscious.

Sadness
When it was time for me to go to work, I told everybody goodbye individually. I moved to shake Bill's hand and got a hug instead. It just reminded me that at this point in our relationship it is me carrying the grudge. I got my feelings hurt over things he had said to Gus and Gaby (and apparently others) about things that I had done guilelessly, and I'm having trouble letting go. I'm not like this. I usually find anger to be a waste of time, but I can't help how I feel. He's a new friend. Ours is a new and developing friendship, but it's been sidetracked.

Disapointment
We never made it to the party.

Consolation
No one else showed up till long after I was at work.

At the Corner of Lover's Lane and Wall Street

Several years ago, I sent an email to a very smart friend of mine concerning an uncommited relationship with a young man, G, who had just told me that he didn't "feel the magic" with me.

Doc: Sometimes my thoughts and my emotions aren't on the same wavelength. I should be relieved. Instead I feel kind of empty.
I was trying to be protective of his feelings, while enjoying as much of his company as possible.
I promised nothing.
I wondered how he would feel, once I started going out again, if I acted the same way I always did.
Turns out I needn't have worried.
Turns out he was protecting my feelings.
But I had no feelings; just a strong attraction. Right?

So how come I feel like I've been dumped?

Brandon: Because while you were enjoying his company, you were investing part of yourself into that relationship; you were concerned about him and his feelings, and you spent energy and time thinking about it, and so on. You were about to withdraw from that investment, But the stock in that investment had dropped before you had "closed the deal," or in psychological terms, had the type of closure you were preparing yourself for. And since the value of that relationship had decreased, the net effect is a loss. No one feels good after a loss on an investment, whether it's a financial one, or one of putting yourself into someone else.
Either that, or you did have feelings for him, and you did get dumped.

Can you tell Brandon was a finance major?

No Lanacane Needed

Yesterday was our 7th anniversary. We met accidently when my friend invited his friend to Oklahoma, and he tagged along. The first five years we had a long distance relationship between here and Dallas, with all the problems that entails, and then he moved in with me two years ago with his schnauzer, Shadie, and bringing a gift in the form of a dachshund puppy who I named Fritz.

I had lived alone for 10 years, and there were some adjustments, but living with someone is better than not.

Ephemera

I love surfing blogs. To me it's a lot of fun just to see what people are interested in and what's on their minds. But I get really amused by the huge number of neglected and forgotten blogs that are out there. For instance, Bob, from Norman, OK, writes, "Hello, world!" That was on May 13, 2005. We haven't heard from him since. Another Bob, also from Norman, writes,
"Well here we go again. I'm trying this whole blog business for the second time around." Since that's the only entry on his blog, and it was written back in October of 2005, one has to wonder about his first attempt. I find this at once funny and sad.
With that in mind, I have griped at Stephanie and Gaby about their lack of new posts, especially since Gaby has a lot to say about the situation in Mexico and how it affects his family. His blog would be a great way, not only to let them know how the problems are viewed here in the U.S., but to keep them up on what's going on in his life.
So he has started posting again. And what does he write about? Mostly he's just complaining that we're still on dial-up.

Move Over, JJ Abrams

I have an idea for a new television show.

The title would be "LOTS." It's about about a group of people who survive a plane crash in an undeveloped neighborhood. It's a gated community, so they can't get out. They build a camp on one of the few completed greens of the golf course between the sand trap and the water hazzard.
They find themselves in the middle of a turf war between the developers and squatters. Some are killed by a mysterious lawn mower with an exhaust problem.

I think it would be a big hit.

Meet 'n' Greet

There was a convention in town last week. They took over all the hotels in downtown, and some of the faces became a bit familiar.

Thursday night, after our bar had closed, a group of Bostonians wanted to go to another bar. I got the hotel van and took them to a place that would be open till 2:00, and then came back to pick them up when it closed. One of them mentioned french fries, so I took them to Sonic. They thought this was really cool, because they don't have Sonic in Boston. In, fact, they were texting friends back home to tell them about it.

One of the guys and I hit it off really well, and he invited me to come hang out in his room for a while. That's actually against the rules, and I had a task to do, but when I had finished I went and got him and took him on the tour of the hotel. I really enjoyed his company, but I felt restricted by the job.

I was off on Friday (very unusual), so Gaby and I went out to the club. While there, I noticed a young fellow who didn't seem to know anyone, so I introduced myself and Gaby, and it turned out that he was a lot of fun to talk to. He was part of the same convention, visiting from a town near San Antonio. I introduced him to a couple of other guys, and whenever we ran into him during the rest of the evening, he seemed to be having a good time.

On the way home, Gaby remarked on how easy it was for me to just walk up to people and say hi. I told that it had started after I met him. It seemed like when we became a couple, suddenly I wasn't afraid of rejection from other people.

That was a rather sweeping statement, though. The truth is that I can still be apprehensive about meeting people. However, being part of a couple has made me bolder. It's kind of easy to walk up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm Ron and this is Gabriel," and expect a positive response. And when a simple introduction turns into a good conversation, that's terrific. And for this guy, I was just doing what I would like someone to do for me.

At my job, I am the face of the hotel after 11:00pm, and I take that role seriously. I welcome the guests, introduce myself and the front desk staff, offer my valet and bellman services, and let them know that I'm available for whatever needs they might have overnight. One cannot be shy doing my job. But conversation is generally small talk and discussing the hotel's history and services.

I meet an awful lot of people at this job, but once in a while I meet someone I'd really like to get to know. The Bostonian was one. He and his friends together in the van were a lot of fun, and by himself he was really nice, and fun to talk to. It would have been nice to sit and have a long conversation, but I was at work, and my time was limited by the tasks I need to complete on my shift. Plus, he was a hotel guest, and it's my job to offer my services as a hotel employee, and not to socialize on a personal level.

Similar situation, a couple of weeks ago, I got to talking to a fellow from Washington D.C. as he was having his evening cigarette, and it turned out that we'd read the same books, and were interested in the same historical topics. We could have talked for hours in other circumstances, but I was at work, and, well, you know.

Now, I'm not naïve enough to believe that I'm actually going to develop a lasting friendship with someone from across the country who I happened to speak to for a few minutes one night. Nor am I blind to the fact that I wouldn't meet them in the first place if I didn't have the job that I do. It's just that the barriers are frustrating me.

A Glimmer of Hope

From the Metro Star, an Oklahoma GLBT publication:

A bill to extend spousal immigration rights to same-sex couples was introduced in congress Feb. 12.

The Uniting American Families Act, sponsored by Rep. Jerrold Nadler, D-N.Y., and Senator Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., aims to end the problem of binational same-sex couples being forcibly separated -- or forced to relocate outside the U.S. together -- because the U.S. government does not recognize the validity of same-sex unions.

"It should be an outrage to all Americans that our government continues to deny one set of citizens the fundamental rights enjoyed by the rest of its citizens," Nadler said. "It is time that we as a society finally acknowledge that a committed, loving family is a committed, loving family."

"Thousands of gay and Lesbian Americans, who have fallen in love across borders must grapple with an impossible choice between being with the person they love and staying in their country," added Immigration Equality Executive Director Rachel Tiven. "These couples simply want the same opportunity to prove that their families deserve to stay together."

Some 36,000 couples are thought to be affected by the discriminatory policy, according to the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles.

TPTTs and Other Zombies

TPTT = Too Pretty To Tip. These are the (usually) young ladies who seem to believe that their youth and beauty exempts them from the conventions of polite society. As the valet holds the door for them, they flash a smile, and with earnest eyes and voice say, "Thank you so-o much!" The valet, who has been standing in the cold waiting for her to finish saying good-bye to her friends, hoping that the weather will convince her that perhaps the customary $2-$5 isn't enough, watches her drive off, feeling that she wasn't that grateful or appreciative of his efforts at all.

Zombie = a walking stiff. (Of course it is. What else would it be?) Most of the time, these people just say thank you and drive off, but occasionally they feel they should offer an explanation.

Zombie excuses:
At our hotel, we normally charge for parking. Decades ago, there was plenty of parking around the hotel, but that was all lost to urban renewal in the seventies. Now there is a small lot for valet parking, which we charge to use, and a city-owned parking garage next door, which the city charges to use. I neither approve nor condemn the parking charge. It just is.
Overnight valet parking is $20 ($18.45 + tax), and event, bar, and day-use parking is $12. Organizers of events may negotiate a different rate. Restaurant parking is comped. This has nothing to do with the valets themselves. They do not collect the money, nor do they benefit from it being collected. So when a zombie says, "I paid inside," the valet hears "I have an excuse to stiff you."

We do not pool our tips. Each valet benefits from the generosity of the guests who appreciate his individual effort. When a zombie says, "I tipped the other guy," the valet hears "I have an excuse to stiff you."

Often someone will offer an apology for not having the cash for a tip. This is understandable, and we don't hold it against them. After all, we've all been there, and good intentions do count.

Related topics:
I used to deliver pizzas. There were certain addresses we knew because they never tipped, and therefore were on the NHDNT list (No Hurry-Does Not Tip.) Whenever possible, these deliveries were given to the new guys.